'The Wright stuff' response to '15 Kids and Counting'

Us, in 2002, with 'only' seven children. I still love this photo so much.

I wasn't going to write about this, until that is, I happened to watch my first Daytime TV show for years, The Wright Stuff. I will not be watching again.
The programme, for those of you who missed it, is over three weeks and features 9 families all with 9 or more children, where the parents are working and not claiming benefits. We were asked to take part, for many reasons we declined. It's not for us.
However, I do support the parents, brave (or mad) enough to let the TV camera's film their lives for six months. Unfortunately, like so many media portrayals, much of what they filmed was missed out, and some given rather more importance than other bits.
Of course the media like a good juicy story don't they. Normal won't get the ratings.
I was staggered, therefore at Matthew Wright's judgemental comments, based largely on ignorance, and not taking into account of how much footage must have been missed.
I truly get fed up with hearing that I must be selfish for wanting so many children. Why on earth do I 'NEED" so many? I am apparently not taking into account the cost to the planet, it's resources, as well as The National Health Service and it seems the Education Service, whom we both work for.
Matthew feels we should ideally have just one child, two at the absolute most.
An only child ideal?
Has he actually read any of the studies emerging since China adopted their one child policy?!
I was an only child. It isn't ideal as far as I am concerned. My children always feel sorry for only children and love all their brothers and sisters.
For my parents, like many I know, it was not by choice. They did a great job, but I grew up longing for a larger family. Okay I can now see where an interviewer would be heading ! I must have a large family because of some deeper loss in childhood? Hmm, not sure about that one.
It got even more interesting with the phone in. One woman thought we should all be sterilised after child no 2. Gosh! the last time I looked, I lived in a democracy!
So to answer some of the many things that came up:
1. May I suggest if my children are such a strain on the NHS that you have to limit them, then lets also limit other things that are a stress on the NHS and also life choices. Lets put a cap on the amount people smoke and drink. Maybe one bottle of alcohol and week and one packets of cigarettes? No one would dare suggest this! I also run a charity, free of charge and draw no wage, that takes hours of my time and directly helps many hospitals where there own resources are too stretched. Maybe I have already paid back in kind all I owe? Do you do any voluntary work Matthew?
2. Obesity. If I am such a strain, my childbearing has to be capped, then lets stop all obese people from eating in Mc Donald's. Oh can you see the out cry! how unfair, how embarrassing.
3. If you choose not to have children , you seem to object to me claiming child benefit, which you have to pay for. Okay so when you are old and on a pension, you won't have any children to support the economy so you may actually be thankful that my large family are! they will be paying back what they were given as children!By the way, when I lived in Eastern Europe for 5 years I wasn't allowed to claim this, and neither did I receive the Czech equivalent!
4. The worlds resources. I do not drive a 4 x 4 ,in fact until we had our 5th child we cycled everywhere and never owned a car! Neither do I run a dishwasher, the tumble drier goes on about once a week, the washing machine once a day, sometimes less. We pull out every plug at night and nothing is allowed on standby. Our heating bill is my husbands pride and the envy of most of my friends whose bills are considerably higher (we switch it off and wear a jumper, which is actually far healthier) and we make all our meals by scratch, thus cutting down on the amount of cardboard, plastic etc others waste. We use reusable nappies, baby wipes and face wipes, and yes heaven forbid I use washable sanitary towels too. We pass down clothes and other baby things. Some of the toys have lasted 24 years (lego, duplo etc). We are very careful not to waste whatever we can use, so I am sorry Matthew and anyone else, we do not use two, three, four , five times the amount you do, I hazard a guess my family do not have the same carbon footprint as many suburban London families with two children.
5. It is selfish. Why exactly? Who can say, hand on heart that they do not make a selfish choice ever? I can think of many more selfish choices that impact far greater on others than having another child.
6. Education. As I work in this field, I see many dwindling school roles, and schools that are closing because the birth rate is falling. I see families who do not value education and whose children are far more expensive than my own , due to the amount of 'outside bodies' that have to be brought in to manage their challenging behaviour. I see waste in local councils than runs far deeper than the strain my own children represent.The education that my children receive will one day give them a good job, which in turn will help the economy. Tania, featured, home educates her children, yet still people critized her for this. We cannot win can we?
I am not critising you if you smoke, drink or are obese at all, these are life choices just as having a large family is mine. I am merely using them as examples to represent why it is unfair to feel we can justify limiting one persons individual choices over another. The last time I looked, I lived in a democracy, where people's choices were respected. Religious, moral, social, educational. This isn't a particularly eloquent or fact driven reply, simply because I am tried, and have a stack of marking to do. But it's from the heart.
No one has ever approached me and told me how selfish I was to have such a large family, thank god! They have approached us, to say how lovely they all are, how lucky we are, how well behaved they are, and often, sadly how they wish they had, had more. Often pressure from families, friends and society has influenced their decision to stop. I have never heard someone say they stopped because they thought it was selfish or a strain on natural resources!
Interesting.