Yep, we have all had them.
You know the all too familiar scenario.
Child comes rushing home.
'Guess what?'
'We have a school trip, let me show you the letter'.
At this point, as many of you will sympathise with, my heart starts to groan, my mind thinks 'what sort of trip? how long for and more importantly, how much this time?'.
Kid delivers the letter too you, face illuminated in anticipation of forth coming event.
Then theres several scenarios.
They roughly go like this:
1. That sounds great, of course you can go. Kid jumps around in glee.
2. That sounds interesting but it's quite a lot of money, so we will have to wait till Dad comes home to discuss it more. Kids face drops. Pounces on Dad the moment he's through the door for an answer.
3. That is a great trip, it's a lot of money, but we let your brothers/ sisters do this trip so you can too. Kid mega excited.
4. That is a lot of money and I can't really see the educational purpose of the trip to Paris/Disneyland/Iceland/ outer Mongolia, however it's roughly what we spend on you for your birthday so if you would rather go on the trip you can have it as one big present. Kids face drops, no they don't want it THAT much and forgo all other presents.
5. That is a HELL OF A LOT OF MONEY! Good grief! Who on earth can afford that! We could do that trip cheaper for 11 of us!!! I am really sorry but you can't go. Kid realised this before they gave the letter but out of some misguided sense of hope tried anyway.
Okay laugh and identify.
I cannot help but feel guilty saying no. My husband doesn't. I feel that I am making them suffer and I feel bad for saying no to the more obvious trips. They are great, and quite a few of their friends do go. Equally quite a lot (from much smaller families than ours) don't. I guess I have the 'am I saying no because my kid is part of a big family/ will they suffer and blame me for the rest of their life...' going through my head.
I know, logically they won't.
I just feel bad.
I came from a single family, my mum couldn't ever afford these trips, so I got a Saturday job, illegally when I was 13. I saved up every week in my post office book and didn't spend any of the money I made (I also had babysitting jobs). Every year my school went on a trip and mum and me had a deal. If I paid for the trip, she would give me spending money. I loved the trips. I went skiing to Switzerland, canoeing down the Ardeche Valley in France, Visiting the Acropolis in Greece, and staying in Florence and Rome. Every trip was enjoyed even more by the knowledge I had worked hard to pay for them. Mum could never have taken me, yet every year she graciously let me go. As a mother now, I appreciate how hard that must have been for her.
I hope my kids will feel the same.
This last month we have had several of the 'Trip' letters. One was expensive, but every child , in year 6 of Primary School has gone, so it's a bit of a treat and tradition now. Jono went, as our 6th child to do this trip and had the most wonderful time. Other trips have been funded partly, or totally by the P.T.A which has been a real blessing. Then Martha bought some home. Alton Towers (ouch) but cheaper paying for one child than 11 I guess. Then a media trip, to London. I feel the guilt rising. ' All my friends are going". £190 for two days!!! Okay so they go to Harry Potter World (lost on Martha as I do not allow them to watch the films), Matilda the musical and The National Film Museum. Well I am taking them all to see The Lion King, and I reasoned when we are in London this summer I could take her to the museum. BUT, she huffed 'it's different going with your friends'. Yes, I agreed, so if you really want to go it can be your birthday present, your only one! We didn't want to go THAT much!
It's tough being a mother. I still hate to see disappointment on my children's faces, even when, deep down I know I am doing the right thing. I want to make them happy, I know just getting them 'things' and forking out right , left and centre, even if I was able would not, in the long run teach them very much at all.
I tell myself all these things, but it's still hard.
Is it just me?
Thankfully school ends next week. No more letters for a while!
You know the all too familiar scenario.
Child comes rushing home.
'Guess what?'
'We have a school trip, let me show you the letter'.
At this point, as many of you will sympathise with, my heart starts to groan, my mind thinks 'what sort of trip? how long for and more importantly, how much this time?'.
Kid delivers the letter too you, face illuminated in anticipation of forth coming event.
Then theres several scenarios.
They roughly go like this:
1. That sounds great, of course you can go. Kid jumps around in glee.
2. That sounds interesting but it's quite a lot of money, so we will have to wait till Dad comes home to discuss it more. Kids face drops. Pounces on Dad the moment he's through the door for an answer.
3. That is a great trip, it's a lot of money, but we let your brothers/ sisters do this trip so you can too. Kid mega excited.
4. That is a lot of money and I can't really see the educational purpose of the trip to Paris/Disneyland/Iceland/ outer Mongolia, however it's roughly what we spend on you for your birthday so if you would rather go on the trip you can have it as one big present. Kids face drops, no they don't want it THAT much and forgo all other presents.
5. That is a HELL OF A LOT OF MONEY! Good grief! Who on earth can afford that! We could do that trip cheaper for 11 of us!!! I am really sorry but you can't go. Kid realised this before they gave the letter but out of some misguided sense of hope tried anyway.
Okay laugh and identify.
I cannot help but feel guilty saying no. My husband doesn't. I feel that I am making them suffer and I feel bad for saying no to the more obvious trips. They are great, and quite a few of their friends do go. Equally quite a lot (from much smaller families than ours) don't. I guess I have the 'am I saying no because my kid is part of a big family/ will they suffer and blame me for the rest of their life...' going through my head.
I know, logically they won't.
I just feel bad.
I came from a single family, my mum couldn't ever afford these trips, so I got a Saturday job, illegally when I was 13. I saved up every week in my post office book and didn't spend any of the money I made (I also had babysitting jobs). Every year my school went on a trip and mum and me had a deal. If I paid for the trip, she would give me spending money. I loved the trips. I went skiing to Switzerland, canoeing down the Ardeche Valley in France, Visiting the Acropolis in Greece, and staying in Florence and Rome. Every trip was enjoyed even more by the knowledge I had worked hard to pay for them. Mum could never have taken me, yet every year she graciously let me go. As a mother now, I appreciate how hard that must have been for her.
I hope my kids will feel the same.
This last month we have had several of the 'Trip' letters. One was expensive, but every child , in year 6 of Primary School has gone, so it's a bit of a treat and tradition now. Jono went, as our 6th child to do this trip and had the most wonderful time. Other trips have been funded partly, or totally by the P.T.A which has been a real blessing. Then Martha bought some home. Alton Towers (ouch) but cheaper paying for one child than 11 I guess. Then a media trip, to London. I feel the guilt rising. ' All my friends are going". £190 for two days!!! Okay so they go to Harry Potter World (lost on Martha as I do not allow them to watch the films), Matilda the musical and The National Film Museum. Well I am taking them all to see The Lion King, and I reasoned when we are in London this summer I could take her to the museum. BUT, she huffed 'it's different going with your friends'. Yes, I agreed, so if you really want to go it can be your birthday present, your only one! We didn't want to go THAT much!
It's tough being a mother. I still hate to see disappointment on my children's faces, even when, deep down I know I am doing the right thing. I want to make them happy, I know just getting them 'things' and forking out right , left and centre, even if I was able would not, in the long run teach them very much at all.
I tell myself all these things, but it's still hard.
Is it just me?
Thankfully school ends next week. No more letters for a while!
Oh Fiona, I feel for you. I am not looking forward to this aspect of school for E. I didn't think twice about the £13 it cost us to visit a (not very good, in my opinion) farm park a couple of weeks ago - despite the fact that we have a season ticket for another (much better) local one that was bought by Grandparents for her Christmas present. But it did remind me how difficult it was for my parents, especially when Dad was unemployed. Although I remember quite clearly the disappointment of not being able to go on some of the costlier trips, I understand now, and to some extent did understand then why they couldn't say yes to all. I also have some fantastic memories of the things I WAS able to do as an alternative: Guide camp, trips out on the train with my family etc.
ReplyDeleteJo x
That's right Jo. My kids belong to the army cadets, their trips are very cheap in comparrison, as are all the guide/ scout/beaver/ brownie/cub/ rainbow ones as well. My kids are also fortunate as most years we bung them in the car and do a family road trip as well so they don't exactly need to feel hard done by!
ReplyDeleteWow Fiona, you are so great...You really work hard for you to afford school trips. You're such an awesome woman :)
ReplyDelete