In Loving Memory of Joshua

~In Loving Memory of Joshua~

As I gaze down at your beautiful face, I see you are no longer there,
Someday when I am old
and someone asks me if I am looking forward to heaven,

I’ll say: “I’m ready to meet Jesus
but there’s someone else I want to see too.”

 I’ll say: “It’s been thirty or forty years since I’ve seen him
 and the time we spent together was all too brief
 -a few short days, that's all,
 and he was so delicate.
 He spent most of that time trying to breathe.
 I never had the chance to really find out
 who he was or what he was like,
 what he could have done,
 who he could have been.

 “But he was my child
 -he will never offend me, hurt me, upset me,
 he will never know suffering or pain,
 the days of his life were numbered
 and each one was filled with endless love

My joy!
Flesh of my flesh, my own,
a gift of eternal innocence
and I love him
with limitless love.

“My other children grew up and grew older with me
but this one -the one I’m longing to see
stayed the same through the years
his face fixed in my memory
like a faded snapshot,
its corners worn,
from too much handling.”

Through the years,
the good and bad times,
I’ve dreamt of that distant reunion
and imagined the moment
I could look him in the eyes and say:
“Darling, your mother’s missed you so very much,
but now we’ll never be apart again.”

 

Carole Gift Page

With additions by Fiona Beavan