Happy New Year.....
How glibly we say this. Yet for many it hasn't been a good year and I am guessing for many they don't feel the next one will bring much happiness either. The economic downturn has left many without jobs, homes, or hope. Globally disasters this year have seen many loose loved ones as well as their homes and livelihoods. Uprisings have left many living in fear and uncertainty, and closer to home, my charity has given out well over 2,000 boxes this year, which means 2,000 bereft parents...and there are many many more.
I am not a huge fan of New Year these days. I vaguely like the fact that a new year can be a clean slate and a chance for change, but no more so than any other day of the year really!
Growing up in a proudly Scottish family, New Year was huge and from an early age I remember my parents holding large, noisy parties for all their friends and neighbours. As we lived 'in the south' I think they felt it their birthright to introduce the unsuspecting 'southerners' to the scottish customs.
One of my earliest memories was my half cut mother (normally very self composed) doing the highland fling on the dinning room table! I, as an only child, would creep downstairs and watch the antics from the safety of the bannisters. Some drunken friend would invariably find me and swoop me into their arms and into the trust of the celebrations, my parents by this stage being too tipsy to care! I loved those times.
Then my father died, when I was nine and things changed forever. My mother mourned his passing until the day she died some 38 years later, but she tried to make an effort for me. We went to my best friends home, where her family kindly invited us for a few years following his death. We played card games, ate and talked and sang in the new year with ABBA! It was great for me, but looking back I am guessing it was probably a huge act on mum's part.
As I grew older, New Years were celebrated in our house, in our pj's in front of the TV. The neighbours, always remembering my mum was a Scott, banged on the door at the strike of 12 with coal and a drink for her. We went to a few parities along the way, but both enjoyed staying at home really.
After I went to university, I always came home for Christmas and New Year and my boyfriend (now hubby) joined in as well. Gradually as the years wore on, we married and children came along, our little gathering grew and grew.
I am not too sure where my dislike for the whole event came from, however I rather suspect it was after my first miscarriage. No longer were the things I planned or hoped for to be taken for granted. Was the next new year going to be one of happiness or was I going to suffer yet more disappointment? It became a thing to be somewhat dreaded as after a miscarriage, then an ectopic pregnancy and then secondary infertility, I watched my peer groups families grow, whilst mine remained the same.
This was further excentuated the year Joshua died. As the new year approached so my anxiety increased. I felt the new year meant I was leaving the year he was born in, and that meant somehow he was getting further away and I couldn't bear that. It wasn't a very happy one, I really tried for the children's sake.
This New Year I watched the fireworks from London with my very precious little 9 month old baby girl in my arms. I felt very very blessed. Last New Year I was still reeling from the pain of loosing my mother 6 weeks before as well as praying the amazing twins I was carrying would be okay and grow strong and stay put.
As for next year? Well we have a few firsts. A 1st birthday for our little twins, as well as the 1st of our children getting married. I hope and pray it will be a good year.
Resolutions? Well one certainly, to enjoy every moment possible and to appreciate what I have, the important things in life, and try not to get bogged down in all the insignificance.
I wish you all a good new year.
How glibly we say this. Yet for many it hasn't been a good year and I am guessing for many they don't feel the next one will bring much happiness either. The economic downturn has left many without jobs, homes, or hope. Globally disasters this year have seen many loose loved ones as well as their homes and livelihoods. Uprisings have left many living in fear and uncertainty, and closer to home, my charity has given out well over 2,000 boxes this year, which means 2,000 bereft parents...and there are many many more.
I am not a huge fan of New Year these days. I vaguely like the fact that a new year can be a clean slate and a chance for change, but no more so than any other day of the year really!
Growing up in a proudly Scottish family, New Year was huge and from an early age I remember my parents holding large, noisy parties for all their friends and neighbours. As we lived 'in the south' I think they felt it their birthright to introduce the unsuspecting 'southerners' to the scottish customs.
One of my earliest memories was my half cut mother (normally very self composed) doing the highland fling on the dinning room table! I, as an only child, would creep downstairs and watch the antics from the safety of the bannisters. Some drunken friend would invariably find me and swoop me into their arms and into the trust of the celebrations, my parents by this stage being too tipsy to care! I loved those times.
Then my father died, when I was nine and things changed forever. My mother mourned his passing until the day she died some 38 years later, but she tried to make an effort for me. We went to my best friends home, where her family kindly invited us for a few years following his death. We played card games, ate and talked and sang in the new year with ABBA! It was great for me, but looking back I am guessing it was probably a huge act on mum's part.
As I grew older, New Years were celebrated in our house, in our pj's in front of the TV. The neighbours, always remembering my mum was a Scott, banged on the door at the strike of 12 with coal and a drink for her. We went to a few parities along the way, but both enjoyed staying at home really.
After I went to university, I always came home for Christmas and New Year and my boyfriend (now hubby) joined in as well. Gradually as the years wore on, we married and children came along, our little gathering grew and grew.
I am not too sure where my dislike for the whole event came from, however I rather suspect it was after my first miscarriage. No longer were the things I planned or hoped for to be taken for granted. Was the next new year going to be one of happiness or was I going to suffer yet more disappointment? It became a thing to be somewhat dreaded as after a miscarriage, then an ectopic pregnancy and then secondary infertility, I watched my peer groups families grow, whilst mine remained the same.
This was further excentuated the year Joshua died. As the new year approached so my anxiety increased. I felt the new year meant I was leaving the year he was born in, and that meant somehow he was getting further away and I couldn't bear that. It wasn't a very happy one, I really tried for the children's sake.
This New Year I watched the fireworks from London with my very precious little 9 month old baby girl in my arms. I felt very very blessed. Last New Year I was still reeling from the pain of loosing my mother 6 weeks before as well as praying the amazing twins I was carrying would be okay and grow strong and stay put.
As for next year? Well we have a few firsts. A 1st birthday for our little twins, as well as the 1st of our children getting married. I hope and pray it will be a good year.
Resolutions? Well one certainly, to enjoy every moment possible and to appreciate what I have, the important things in life, and try not to get bogged down in all the insignificance.
I wish you all a good new year.
Hi fiona, I must say i find your blog so intresting and very touching. I do not no how you cope with such a large family but i can imagine they are worth every minute. I would love to have some of your patience!
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this i will deffinatly make sure i appreciate my little girl as much as humanly possible as i am so lucky to have a healthy happy baby :)
I also new your mum, i did her hair before she sadly passed last year and (not that you need telling as you obviously already know) but she was an amazing woman, so funny and when i asked how she was she always replied 'i cant complain as there are people worse off'. I very much enjoyed the time i new her and loved hearing of your family, she was very proud when telling me all about you.
I hope you all have a fantastic year x
Kat
Thanks so much Kat. Yes she was always very positive and was never one of those old people who complained all the time, or in fact at all. She just got on with things. We really miss her so much and Christmas and New Year will not ever be the same without her here with us.The children all miss her interest and impute in their lives as well.
ReplyDeleteThe children are worth it, even through the really rough times. I wouldn't change things for the world.
Have a great new year with your little girl too!