Extremely loud and incredibly close.

I sat transfixed at this film tonight. Because of the less than favourable reviews everyone chose to do other things.

The film was about a rather precious 11 year old boy who looses his father in 9/11 and then finds a key in his closet and is convinced by finding the owner of the key he will get closer to both his father and the meaning of his untimely death.

I guess not everyone's Saturday night viewing.

I had no idea how much this would remind me of my own father's death and how I felt.

I was nine when my father kissed me goodnight and went off to a dance with my mother. We lived in Germany and I was staying the night with family friends who I didn't know. I already felt uncomfortable, reassured by my dad, he would collect me first thing in the morning.

First thing in the morning my mother arrived, flanked by an army of people. She managed to tell me my father had died before collapsing.

I was left very much on my own for days whilst she was sedated.

I locked myself in the toilet for large parts of the day and drew.

I didn't cry from that moment till I was about 21.

I never mentioned him, refused to discuss him, and told no one he had died, they had to work that one out.

I searched EVERYWHERE FOR HIM. 

For years.

I scanned faces in crowds and followed random strangers.

This was because after he died, I asked to see him. I needed to see him, but my mum wouldn't let me.

She thought it was for the best.

It was the worst thing she could have done.

I had no closure and I came to believe (because it was less painful) that he had not died.

Gradually over the years the scars heal, and you find ways of dealing with things.

I am (as my children will tell you) paranoid with them. I don't let them out of my sight until they are much older than most people. I never leave them, unless I have too and even then I phone up all the time. This, I know steams from my father leaving and never returning.

Extremely Loud, deals with these fears. I was amazed how much of the film I could relate to.

Woven into the more obvious tale, was the fact as the story developed the son began to grow and develop and overcome many of these fears until he finally realised how could live without his father and it was even possible to feel happy again.

In later life, having had to cope with the trauma of loosing a baby, like so many , we can relate to this as well.Eventually after death, we do feel happy again, we fell guilty for feeling happy and relieved that we can feel something other than pain.

As the characters so rightly portrayed, grief changes us. But that in it's self is not bad.

Grief often changes and gives more focus and purpose to our lives.

I thought this was an amazing film, well acted and the subjects well portrayed.

Maybe not a restful Saturday night, but a more contemplative one!

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close trailer