As I write, teen no 5 is moaning. She's left her course work till the last minute, had to do a paper round she despises with a passion, and has not done her after dinner job (laying away the washing up). Dad's just reminded her and had his head bit off!
Poor dad, he didn't really sign up for a house full of hormones.
And boy that is what we have!
Hormones have a nasty habit of rotating between my teenagers. This gives them a break, but sadly not us.
I must admit I am not gracious when it comes down to bad moods.
They want to be treated like adults, so this is where the rubber hits the preverbal road!
As an adult, we cannot just 'explode' at work. If we did, or we talked badly to our workmates or bosses we would be disciplined and ultimately fired.
This is pointed out to them, sometimes less eloquently than others!
Therefore at home, you are expected to learn to likewise control your mood swings and respect others may be having a hard time and do not need nor deserve your onslaught!
How I wish I was Michelle Duggar.
She sits and prays with them all, works through every possible mood and finds ways they can incorporate this goodness into daily lives. She seems to have endless patience with each of her 19 children, and always seems positive.
I try.
I really do. Visions of how much my mother upset me with the words she used still burn deep.
But I fail.
Some days more than others.
The twins are still up at night. if I have a really bad night and zero sleep and then have a really busy stressful day, it's fair to say I am not the worlds most gracious parent when they start to moan.
Tonight was an example.
Everything I asked to be done seemed to be met with a grunt, huff, or a come back.
I was NOT impressed.
I try hard to be even and fair with them. I try to show patience and understanding, I try not to be in a bad mood myself and not take things out on them. I really do try.
I guess at the end of the day, like everyone else I am human. Failure is part of life. As a parent we do not want to fail our children and have them end up in therapy blaming their upbringing for their personality disorders and hang ups. I also feel there's a subconscious pressure when you are the mother of many children, to be viewed as 'supermum' as well, because you have so many. You are either clinically insane or a saint. There's not much inbetween. This subconsciously adds to the pressure of being the epitome of the biblical mother. She who rises at dawn to cook before the family wakes and is mindful of their every need, putting them always before herself and doing every task perfectly.
Does she really exist?
As things stand, I don't think I have done too bad a job, so far, I still have many to hit the teenage years before I can sit here and breathe a sigh of relief. I haven't got it all worked out, but teaching teenagers for 20 plus years has helped. I hear them moan, what they want their parents to do and what they hate. It has really helped me see my own children in perhaps a more liberated way. I don't always like their lifestyle choices but they are growing up, independently from us. They need (under guidance) to make their own choices and to be their own people rather than accepting blindly the moral codes and practices we choose to raise them buy and bring them up as. If I simply imposed these on them, they would rebel, so instead life is a long compromise, and sometimes a battle of wills.
I love the people they are and are becoming (by and large, with one exception!). I am glad they are strong willed and deteminded, that will stand them in good stead in life. I am glad too they do respect what we ask and say, even if sometimes it is met with a little resistance or a huff and puff.
Raising teens takes courage. Courage to stand by your own convictions, courage to perhaps change these or adapt them, wisdom to know when that is the right thing to do, and determination to not ever give up on them no matter how hard and challenging they become.
Poor dad, he didn't really sign up for a house full of hormones.
And boy that is what we have!
Hormones have a nasty habit of rotating between my teenagers. This gives them a break, but sadly not us.
I must admit I am not gracious when it comes down to bad moods.
They want to be treated like adults, so this is where the rubber hits the preverbal road!
As an adult, we cannot just 'explode' at work. If we did, or we talked badly to our workmates or bosses we would be disciplined and ultimately fired.
This is pointed out to them, sometimes less eloquently than others!
Therefore at home, you are expected to learn to likewise control your mood swings and respect others may be having a hard time and do not need nor deserve your onslaught!
How I wish I was Michelle Duggar.
She sits and prays with them all, works through every possible mood and finds ways they can incorporate this goodness into daily lives. She seems to have endless patience with each of her 19 children, and always seems positive.
I try.
I really do. Visions of how much my mother upset me with the words she used still burn deep.
But I fail.
Some days more than others.
The twins are still up at night. if I have a really bad night and zero sleep and then have a really busy stressful day, it's fair to say I am not the worlds most gracious parent when they start to moan.
Tonight was an example.
Everything I asked to be done seemed to be met with a grunt, huff, or a come back.
I was NOT impressed.
I try hard to be even and fair with them. I try to show patience and understanding, I try not to be in a bad mood myself and not take things out on them. I really do try.
I guess at the end of the day, like everyone else I am human. Failure is part of life. As a parent we do not want to fail our children and have them end up in therapy blaming their upbringing for their personality disorders and hang ups. I also feel there's a subconscious pressure when you are the mother of many children, to be viewed as 'supermum' as well, because you have so many. You are either clinically insane or a saint. There's not much inbetween. This subconsciously adds to the pressure of being the epitome of the biblical mother. She who rises at dawn to cook before the family wakes and is mindful of their every need, putting them always before herself and doing every task perfectly.
Does she really exist?
As things stand, I don't think I have done too bad a job, so far, I still have many to hit the teenage years before I can sit here and breathe a sigh of relief. I haven't got it all worked out, but teaching teenagers for 20 plus years has helped. I hear them moan, what they want their parents to do and what they hate. It has really helped me see my own children in perhaps a more liberated way. I don't always like their lifestyle choices but they are growing up, independently from us. They need (under guidance) to make their own choices and to be their own people rather than accepting blindly the moral codes and practices we choose to raise them buy and bring them up as. If I simply imposed these on them, they would rebel, so instead life is a long compromise, and sometimes a battle of wills.
I love the people they are and are becoming (by and large, with one exception!). I am glad they are strong willed and deteminded, that will stand them in good stead in life. I am glad too they do respect what we ask and say, even if sometimes it is met with a little resistance or a huff and puff.
Raising teens takes courage. Courage to stand by your own convictions, courage to perhaps change these or adapt them, wisdom to know when that is the right thing to do, and determination to not ever give up on them no matter how hard and challenging they become.
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