The youngest children are grief free.

It struck me today as I was sitting in St Giles Church in Wrexham at their memorial service the difference between Mair, Anya and Caleb and the rest of our children.
Mair knows all about Joshua and talks about him all the time as her brother, yet she is spared the same sense of tragedy that the others have had to walk through.

I watched her as she tried to chat to me (continually) all the way through the service.She is spared the older ones depth of grief, whilst they sit somber remembering their few brief days with their little brother, she can happily talk about him in a completely different way.
Maybe one day she may resent the fact that they all got to meet him and have photos and memories that she cannot share, or maybe she may be grateful that she is spared the pain they feel.

I went to represent my charity that works in the hospital there, and we went to remember Joshua. I do not find these services easy, and frankly I don't find them helpful at all. I find far more peace in the beauty of the countryside where I can feel a sense of him in the elements around me.However I still feel it's important to go. We always give the children the choice to attend and they always choose to, maybe they too feel it's one of the few little things they can do for their brother.

 As we left Mair and Anya ran and danced in the autumn leaves. I am glad they are spared the grief the other children have had to endure. For them, memories of Joshua are just some photos and some stories we tell, without the accompanying heartache.