Why I will end up in hospital soon.

I have been invited on my daughter's hen night.
She was not too impressed.
Her friend is organising it.
A night out around town and a club or two.
Okay, so I haven't done that in, erm for at least 20 years.
I don't do 'nights out' I do 'nights in' with the children, watching a video in my PJ's.
I don't do heavy maintenance, make up, nails, fake tan etc.
Even if I had the time, the nails would break and chip , the make up would look dreadful and the fake tan would streak.
I don't do going out, outfits.
My wardrobe is precise and functional. Either black, white, grey and beige trousers and tops for work or jeans, t shirts and checked shirts for casual days.
Simple and sorted.
No room for clingy, revelling or slinky outfits here.
So here's the dilemma.
What do I wear?
My shoes are even worse.
Boots all winter, black or brown, ballet pumps or sandals all summer.
Oh dear.
So after much deliberation TK Maxx came to the rescue with these little beauties.

So they were massively reduced (a good point) they are well padded (another good point) but, they are really, really high and slightly wobbly (a definate downside). However I loved them so they are my new, somewhat extravagant purchase.

Now I have to create an outfit around them.

I have some ideas.

I have no idea how I will walk around the streets on these somewhat creative wedges.

I have two weeks to learn, or I will end up in A &E.

Oh dear me.

The Sudocrem disaster.

The twins have really bad nappy rash.

It breaks my heart to have to wipe them , even with soap and water.

They have colds and are teething so there's no remorse for them at present.

The only thing I have ever found helpful is Sudocrem. It's fantastic and we all use it, for everything! Spots, burns, dry skin, nappy rash, sunburn.

There's only one slight, tiny problem.

It doesn't wash out of things.

Hmmmm

How do I know?

Well........

When Mair was two and Ella was one, Ella and Abigail lived with us still. Poor Ella had dreadful nappy rash as she has my sensitive skin.

Abie had just done Ella's nappy and she was having some airtime and playing with Mair happily, or so we thought.

Lulled into a false sense of security Abie left them for a moment to get a new nappy.

It must have been all of a minute, no longer.

She had not banked on Mair's agility.

We heard the scream first, then the laughter and all rushed in.

Mair was standing there, Sudocrem tub in one hand, white in the other.

Ella was covered head to foot in white, thick cream. It was like she had been in a snow storm.

Not content with plastering Ella, she had moved onto the sofa and new carpet.

The cream, as Abie will tell you, does eventually scrub off, however a very oily stain remains.

After googling several times, we found some 'old wives tales' that do work, including copious amounts of lemon juice and white vinegar.

Abie tried them all.

Her penance was long and hard!

Having had several minor disasters with the cream we always leave it up high.

Abie was a novice, and had unsuspectingly left it on the floor.

Never again!

The day the four year old took beer to school.....

As we sit around the kitchen table eating tea each night, we often laugh about the funny and weird incidents that have taken place in our family over the years.
Tonight was one of those times.
It started with my husband playing around with his coffee flask from work. Bored with the teen conversation he began to fiddle and poured some drink.
'Dad what did you take to work today in that flask?" asks the 14 year old OCD member of our family.
' oh, just some wheat beer' says Dad as casually as he can, pouring a slightly fizzy, murky mixture into the cup.
'WHAT DAD!!!!!! you can't drink alcohol when you are teaching'. Retorts 14 year old.
'It's only wheat beer, it's very mild' says Dad. 'Want to try some?" and he hands her the cup.
She takes a swig.
'Urghhhhhhhhhhhhh what IS THAT'? she says.
Dad falls around laughing.
'Dirty washing up water. You honestly think I would drink alcohol?".
OCD child has a fit, rushes to bathroom, furiously washes mouth out.
Teen son says 'Classic Dad'.
Ten year old son comments 'brilL, gotta try that one.'
Hmmm role model? I think not.
15 year old daughter comments how funny it was but not as funny as the day Mair took beer to school.
Oh yes, everyone chirps as we recall with laughter........
It all started late one night.
My husband had a beer that he could not finnish, as is often the case.
He could not find anything suitable to seal it for the following day, so he poured it into the first thing that came to hand.
One of the children's sealable drinks flasks.
He placed it in the fridge, meaning to tell me, and went to bed.
In the morning I packed Mair's lunch as always, and saw her flask was filled and next to her box, so packed this as well.
At the end of the day, the deputy head (Mair's teacher) met my husband.
The conversation went something like this:
'Mair said she didn't like her drink at lunch today, so we took a look at it. Were you aware she had BEER in her flask?".
Thankfully it's a very small school, and we are well known.
They all saw the funny side and assumed it had been a mistake.
When explained , everyone found it very amusing.
Not so Mair.
Hands on hips she came home and exclaimed 'WHO made my drink today? It was DISGUSTING".
I am thankful she at least didn't like the taste!
I am sure the tale will be re told for many years to come yet.

Bootcamp blog- week 9-The worst week ever!

Deep depression.

I mean deep depression.

TOTAL FAILURE.

After all the hard work, leaving the children, working my butt off and depriving myself of everything I love most to eat, I have managed to actually PUT ON 4lbs this week.

WHAT???????

How does this work?

Is it my age?

Am I being unrealistic????

Please someone fill me in!

I now officially hate my scales with a passion.

I am developing a hate of quite a few other things as well.

I won't elaborate here.

I am trying to motivate myself again.

Thank God for the wedding! If I did not have this I would give up, say 'buggar it', life's too short and drink all the red wine and eat all the cheese and onion toasties I could possibly consume!

However I cannot.

I somehow must try harder.

I have been slightly lax.

I have eaten more carbs...now hold on, not bad ones, but porridge and a few low cal cereal bars now and then.

I have also had the odd, I mean odd bit of cheese as well.

And I ate a hot cross bun and butter at the weekend and felt guilty as hell.

Does this constitute 4 lbs???? my waist and hips say yes it must.

Anyway, back to the gym tonight, ready for another week of hell.

Let's hope it shows.

Two shoes, new shoes.

This week the twins got their first, proper, fitted shoes. The very nice ladies in Clarks took these photos and put them in special cards for my babies. Whilst talking to them I was encouraged when one sales assistant told me her mother had, had a baby at 48 and then twins at 52 naturally! There's hope for me yet then! 

Anyway getting back to the twins and their new shoes............

 As you can see Anya was very proud of hers and immediately started to surf the furniture in them as well as attempt to undo the velcro and eat them as well!

 First shoes are just so cute. They are so soft and measured to fit the babies feet perfectly. Their little feet are now adequately protected for chasing up and down the drive way in their baby walkers and roaming in the garden.

Caleb was pretty impressed with his as well.

The experience was quite exhausting with them both. I called in the help of two friends. Between the three of us, we juggled babies, pram , shoes and payments. Anya made several attempts to break for freedom out of Clarks and into the shopping precinct. caleb just howled and felt totally violated every time they tried to measure his feet. Only a bottle would calm him down enough.
Nearly an hour later we trudged from Clarks, babies hyper with new shoes, the three of us, sank down into the chairs of the nearby cafe and enjoyed a coffee (I would say peaceful but with twins pulling off new shoes that would be a lie!)

The shoes will be well worn, then they will be kept in their special little boxes alongside all the other children's first shoes. One day I will find somewhere to display 11 sets of first shoes.

The Machine Gun Preacher

Friday nights are video nights.
The night we eat pop corn and drink fizzy drinks.
The night we all chill together.
No work, no marking, no revision.
We took a break from working through the golden oldies this Friday and went to Blockbusters to see what there was on offer.
After a discussion with my friend at the till on the merits of Nicolas Cage and the fact that he hit his pinnacle with 'Face off' a classic, but not in the same classic league as Quentin Tarantino's 'Pulp Fiction", he suggested a film I may like, 'Machine Gun Preacher'. I looked at the cover and was not impressed (don't judge a book by it's cover, Fiona)

However, after a somewhat brutal start (My 14 year old decided to go to bed at this point) we were gripped.

Yes, it is brutal in places. But there again it is true. This isn't the glorification of grimness for the sake of it. My husband once taught two boys who had hid up a tree and witnessed their father being macheted to death. It happens. I taught a little boy, long ago who had witnessed the horrors in Sarajevo, every time he drew a picture of himself, he had a machine gun in his hand. Just because we do not live with this constant fear, does not mean others don't.

My daughter has spent two summers working in an orphange in Kampala, she too has witnessed children whose lives are ruled by fear and uncertainty.

The film isn't easy watching. But it is a facinating insight that shows how one man's near self destruction, sudden conversion and then mission can really change peoples lives.

His methods are criticised.

He kills people to save children.

I am not about to embark on the politics of all of this.

Suffice to say, the real Sam ends the film by poiently saying "if your children were kidnapped tonight and you knew the horrors they would endure, but I said I could save them, would you tell me not to shoot someone?".

He has a point. I do not know, faced with that situation what I would do, but I hazard a guess I might feel the means justify the end.

Healthy eating tips from my class!

I am teaching Food and Nutrition at the moment.
We are nearing the end of this unit.
I have tried, Lord! I have tried to instil some healthy eating tips to them.
We have looked at the calorie content in a Mc Donald's meal. We have added up how much of your daily calorie intake is in just one meal. We have googled McDonalds.
They have looked at labels, and additives and researched what effects these can have.
We have planned healthy meals and unhealthy meals and seen how much more you can eat if you eat healthily.
So what do they come back from break with?
You have guessed it.
Cakes, crisps, sweets and fizzy drinks.
I put my hands on my head in despair!
So today they came back early from lunch.
I was just about to eat mine. They asked if they could sit in and chat.
Yes, of course. They are generally good company.
As I took out my salad box all the dressing leaked onto the table and my notes.
Great.
They raised their eyes.
An interesting conversation ensued as to the contents of my salad and home made chicken burgers.
I made the observation that next to their 'crap' I was enjoying a lovely healthy lunch.
Raised eye brows again and unconvinced looks (This may have been due to the slight whiff of my egg mayo!)
As I was exalting the virtues of my lovely yogurt and the mixed fruit I was about to add, I opened the carton.
Whoosh
Yogurt sprayed all down my black top, black trousers, hair, and again the table and my now somewhat ragged notes.
The students looked at me, at the mess.
'You see Miss, a bag of crisps is so much simpler'! one commented.
They may have a point.......