Life is full of sunshine and showers.

Yesterday it poured torrential rain ALL DAY.
It just didn't stop.
Living in North Wales we are pretty used to rain, but this was something else.
Saturday was sunny and we were out and about all day, Sunday we had to go out, but got soaked and it felt like we were the only ones left on the earth as everywhere was deserted.
This weekend has been hard, the old saying 'It never rains but it pours', was not only metaphoric, but physically true as well.
I don't want to go into any detail, for it is simply not appropriate, suffice to say it's been tough, emotionally.
Life tends to be rather like our weather doesn't it?
The 'sunshine' is always there,  represented in the characters and faces of my children (perhaps not all, at the same time). They sunshine in the darkest of hours and give me such warmth in my heart on the coldest of days. For that I am truly thankful.
We often forget the sunshine when the rain comes, as it often does. We get bogged down in it, yet it is always there, behind a cloud, or two.
Although it poured down all Sunday, and it was a long , draining day, the sunshine came out today again.
Bright and warm.
I took the twins out all day and we really enjoyed ourselves despite whatever else is going on.

'Don't let the sun go down on your anger'......

I think this is one of my favourite bible quotes. It really means don't hold a grudge or let things fester on and on, but sort it out before the end of the day. It is something I try very hard to do, and something we try to instil in the children as well. Sort it out, do whatever it takes and move on.
Running a charity that involves daily hearing tragic tales of babyloss helps me to do this, and also to take the rest of my life, and insignificant things that may have otherwise upset me, into a much broader context.
Loosing a baby, sadly, as so many other have found, also helps you to do this. When you loose a baby, nothing else matters, nothing else is ever as bad. Other things that would have bothered or upset you simply don't. People who continue to moan and hold a grudge you simply avoid because they have no understanding of what intense pain you are feeling or just how trivial their issues really are in the wider scheme of things.
The children find this a bit harder. In the age of facebook (which we do not allow until 6th form), texting and multi media ways of arguing, it is so easy to 'carry on' , to continue to force your point of view or hurt others. It is a constant conversation we have about what is appropriate to write and say, and what simply isn't.
They read this blog, so the same principles need to apply to me as well.
Therefore, unlike some other blogs I have read, I choose to write about funny and amusing things that happen in our lives, or give some practical solutions that we have over time found helpful, rather than making myself appear something I am not, by taking the chance to belittle someone else or their opinions.
Likewise, on my own facebook, I am now very careful as well. At times I have been 'caught out' and someone may have made a judgemental comment that I feel I have to comment on. I have learnt now simply to ignore these now. A few months ago, I had an unfortunate incident where I voiced (justifiably so) my opinion about something that had happened to us all. It was met with a barge of disputing comments by someone I hardly knew but had foolishly added . I stupidly rose to the bate. I should have deleted the entire conversation but I did not, until the next day. I realised this was too late when I saw the whole conversation copy and pasted on a blog and personally commented on. I contacted the person, thought I had dealt with it, went through my facebook friends and deleted everyone I did not know well, and moved on. Live and learn.
Three months on, I had delivered over 500 boxes to hospitals, set up the charity in a new hospital, supported and chatted to many ladies, send hubby on a surprise holiday to Italy, helped both my class and my own children with their GCSE revision and AS revision, help organise a wedding and make hundreds of things for it, it's fair to say my mind is else where, I have moved on. Until today when I read again the incident on a blog. Oh deary me.
I am just glad for my business, for the charity, my job, my large and very busy family life, and for being able to have a wider perspective on life.
'Don't let the sun go down on your anger', because you never know what may happen. Life can disappear in the flash of an eye, in a second. Surely it's better to deal with our issues than to let them fester on or to have a lifetime of guilt?

Orgainsing events and days out with a large bunch of children-do' s and don'ts

We are pretty famed for being late.

Family holidays

This irritates me. When I was single I was never late, instilled by my mother as bad trait.

Then I met my husband. He wasn't exactly late, but he did leave at the last minute often fussing before making us late.

Now we have all the children,

No mater how hard we try someone always needs the toilet, has forgotten something, cannot find something, needs to get something....just as we are about to leave.

There are , however some things we do to make days out slightly easier and the eventuality of getting out the door before lunchtime manageable!

Days out

1. Each child has a box of things for the car under their seat. This way you do not spend hours searching for things. Some children have to share. They take responsibility for cleaning this out, organising it and keeping it safe.

2. Charge up all batteries and electric devices well in advance and keep these from being played with just before hand.

3. By in bulk juice drinks and snack and keep these in the car if you can. This way if we decide to do something spontaneously we don't have to spend a fortune.

4. Like wise keep a spare change bag, nappies, baby wipes and anything else baby needs in the car as well so theres no panic if you go further than you anticipated.

5.Make sure you make lunches and get everything organised THE NIGHT BEFORE! Having a large family this is the key to getting out the door. It is so much easier to think straight at night, by yourself and get everything packed logically than to try to remember everything when being hounded by 8 or 9 voices the next day.

6. Get children to lay out al their clothes the night before. In the case of teenagers this is vital, as invariably the outfit they want cannot be found/ in the wash /ironing. There's nothing more infuriating when you want to get out to hear 'but I have NOTHING TO WEAR!".

Weddings

7. Keep a set or two of toys in near reach that can just be loaded. Home Bargains is get for cheap games and things. We have a zipped bag in the shed full of buckets and spades and seaside toys, and another with badminton rackets, balls, frisbees and outdoors games. These can be got in a matter of seconds and the children know not to use them at other times.

8. When the children were small we collected all their old magazines, and anyone else's and ring bound these into books.One had stories, and another puzzles, one had fashion, one had bubble stories etc. By the time you use them the children had forgotten them and they were like new. many a car journey has been spent absorbed in these. Infact we still have them and use them with Mair now. Pretty good use out of an expensive comic!

9. For longer journeys by a few little things to entertain the children when they start to' loose it'. Again Home Bargains is great. Funny little sweets that whistle (good job the driver has earphone on) and puzzle books, and little toys. This breaks the monotony and gives them something new to play with. As we often drive for 3 or four days I collect a stock of these over the year to produce on the journey there and the journey back (don't hand them all out on the way there, remember you have to get home again).

10. Keep some medicines safely in the car. I keep sachets of calpol and for the older girls aspirins and  paracetamol. We also have a well filled first aid kit for the car. Living in europe this is a regulation that every car must have. We have maintained this here. Sting repellants and creams are always well used as are plasters! I also keep a travel sewing kit incase something falls off or an accident happens.

Longer trips 

Whilst you cannot prepare for every eventuality, these things do help us to get out the door at a reasonable time, and enjoy a good day out with our family.

Good preparation is always the key!

A blast into the past.....

Mair and Jono with the replica spitfire

 This weekend we saw the much published 'Forties festival of food and fun". Unfortunately due to commitments we were not bale to get there until near the end, but it was a fantastic show.
Jono has been looking at the second world war in history at school (No, Jono, I was not a girl then and no I don't remember it!)

Attempting to drive the tram

Being a typical pre teen he was not filled with enthusiasm at being dragged out in the cold and wet, but as soon as he got there, he was bemoaning the fact we couldn't have come earlier.

He was fascinated by the replica spitfire and watching this being dismantled, it showed him in the flesh , so to speak just how small and fragile these air craft were.

Outside the tram

The children could not believe that these trams transported everyone from Colwyn Bay to Lllandudno untill 1956 (no Jono I did not go to school on one!). One of the gentlemen who helps to look after these old trams was more than happy to chat to the children about it and let them on and off and try out the steering.

Watching the spitfire being dismantled and loaded up.

Mair loved the old fashioned bus, and Jono was amazed at the steering wheel and all the controls in wood . I was again remined of a by gone era, where health and safety didn't really exist, but there was such a beauty in all the mechanisms that we just have lost these days.

Mair inside the bus

In the days when we didn't have health and safety paranoia

Mair and the bus

It was lovely to watch everyone walk up and down the road in 1940's dress. All the women in dresses with their hair beautifully rolled up, stockings and coats, and the men in suits and jackets and hats and overcoats. I was really struck how very smart they all looked. Contrasted with a group of chavs who walked past them with skin heads, tracksuits, trainers and token mean looking dog! No wonder my mother used to bemuse how tatty a generation we are.

Mair and Jono with the truck

I was struck how much my mother would have loved coming to this event. She would have truly been transported back to her 'courting' days. The music, food, and all the effort put into turning this particular part of Colwyn Bay into the 1940's was considerable and really worked. You really felt like you had walked onto a film set.

Staggered the wheels are the same size as Mair

I hear that the people organising this event plan another one next year. I would encourage everyone to support this. We are always so quick to moan that there's nothing going on, so when people make such a supreme effort to organise such an event, lets make sure we support them.

The children had a great time and have talked about the machinery for days.

I am just left with a certain melancholy that we have lost 'something' in all our advancement and technology.

Bootcamp week 14 : Kick start diet explained and this weeks results

I have taken a bit of a break from blogging because the new diet I am on has taken me some time to understand and to do, also some of the kids have been sick and I wanted to spend my time with them instead.
Over this past week I have had a variety of comments about the 14 day diet plan I am on. They have ranged from "completely mad', 'you have a lot of will power' to 'why are you starving yourself'. So I thought it was about time to explain, well as much as I can as I am not a nutritionist.
I signed up basically because I am in a diet rut. The scales are not moving despite exercise and if they are, invariably they are heading in the wrong direction!
I needed a kick start, a boost, and this seemed the ideal way.
I had absolute no idea what I was getting myself into!
If I had I would have quit before I started which is why, Zara, the leader only sends out the next days plans, one day in advance.
It is called 'Kick start to fat loss' and has been developed by a lady called Rachel Holmes.
You can watch her here explaining it all.
Rachel Holmes Kick start to Fat Loss
It is basically a very intense plan that has to be followed correctly. Each day your eating patterns are different as well as the 10 mins exercise you have to follow.
You have to eliminate everything.
You are allowed to eat meat, fish and eggs and loads of green vegetables (not root veg)
That's it.
Only water and herbal tea.
Olive oil, lemons and balsamic vinegar are allowed as well.
Limiting it is, but its amazing what you can create around this in desperation.
You are not eating to enjoy food, you are eating to fuel your body and burn fat.
For two days a week you fast for 17 hours. If you are careful and eat at 6 pm , most of the fast is in the evening and through the night. One day its a 22 hour fast.
The results are incredible.

Start of programme

End of week one

In just one week I have lost a staggering 5 lbs, 2 1/4 inches from my waist and 1 inch from my hips and 0.5 inch fro my legs!!!!!
This week I really hope for the same results.
Today I found very hard, I hadn't eaten at the right times or drunk enough water and started to want to binge again. I caved in as I took the kids out and made a picnic. I are some quavers and a few bites of a pain au raisin. I was disgusted after all this time of my lack of self control.

However tonight Zara sent us this.
It really made me she what I had lost and just how much it really is.
Quite shocking.
So I am not going to deviate for the rest of the week.
Infact I am so convinced this works, I am going to enjoy a few days of having a coffee and some fruit and a variety of meals and then I am going to start it all over again.
I am so nearly at the goal of where I want to be and this has really helped me to shift that little bit of clinging on weight much faster.
I will have to eat much more healthier and exercise for the rest of my life now to maintain it, but at least I won't be constantly moaning of how much weight I have put on!
So to reassure you, I am eating, I am just eating a carefully controlled menu.
Look out for next weeks final results.

My claim to fame! watching Mission Impossible being filmed in Prague.

I decided to totally change the subject of children, my life and my diet, as there's only so much you can write about this.
When we lived in Prague we were fortunate enough to watch the filming of 'Mission Impossible'.
Prague was a very popular destination for the film industry and still is. The Barnadov Film Studio's were well prepared for the western film makers and obviously far cheaper than many other locations.Post Communist Prague had hardly seen a lick of paint for 40 years and had an amazing charm and quaintness, that with some film editing, one could be transported back a few centuries.
It was exciting to see film crews, music videos and famous stars arrive, to walk into a restaurant and to 'spot' someone became quite common place in the five years we were there.
My husband was also approached by a famous film star who wanted his child to be placed in my nursery class for the duration of his filming, Simon, being totally unfazed refused on thew grounds my class was full. Granted it was but I was gutted as I had visions of meeting him at a parents night and being star struck! Needless to say, Husband was greeted in a less than friendly manner for a couple of days as I sulked!
We did have one film director who placed her son in the school whilst she was filming. He was in my eldest daughters class, and caused quite a few hearts to swoon. Not only for his good look, politeness and charm, but also for all the cool people he knew. I will never forget his class teacher reading on particular weekend diary entry. 'I went to lunch at TGI Fridays with Aunty Uma and Uncle Liam. By this we mean Uma Thurman and Liam Neeson, his godparents! He was a great kid and totally unfazed by fame. Refreshing to see. So was his mum who turned up, dressed like the rest of us for the school events and barbecues and chatted happily to other parents.
However, the highlight and pinnacle has to be Mission Impossible.
Featuring Tom Cruise, who brought with him on set, Nicole Kidman, his wife back then and their two small children. Sadly we don't have many photos of the filming as by and large you were banned from taking photos. We, however had inside knowledge as we sent the youngest teacher down to chat up the lighting crew! It worked and they showed her the whole schedule including all the hotels people were staying in! Bingo!
Actually the lighting crew were very friendly and really interesting to talk too as well.
We went and waited for hours on Charles Bridge with the children to watch one small scene by the river. I am glad we did as Abigail still can remember it today. We saw Tom Cruise briefly.
The other nights I took my teenage class down by bus to watch the evening filming. We saw the car being blown up and endless other scenes. We met Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman on several occasions, each time he went out of his way to talk to everyone who had showed up. One of the children I teach had her camera snatched from her by quite a few big beefy body guards as she broke the golden rule and tried to get a picture of them all!
Apart from the excitement it taught the teens a few valuable lessons.
1. Filming isn't glamourous, its long, cold, boring and a lot of re takes and waiting around.
2. A new interest in how scenes are enhanced and changed by lighting!
3. The enormous amount of costumes and thought that went into each character and design (The costume ladies were more than happy to entertain them in their trailers and show them the clothes.
4. An appreciation for the whole process of making a film.
It was a great experience and our lives became a litter duller once they had left. The film was fantastic and great fun to watch and see what we had seen being filmed, and the children still enjoy watching it today.
In the sometimes monotony of everyday life, it was a wonderful opportunity to have experiences such as these, it made everyday just a little more interesting and exciting. Part of the amazing time we had living and working in such a very unique city.

Late nights, bad moods, and why I wish I was a saint like Michelle Duggar!

As I write, teen no 5 is moaning. She's left her course work till the last minute, had to do a paper round she despises with a passion, and has not done her after dinner job (laying away the washing up). Dad's just reminded her and had his head bit off!
Poor dad, he didn't really sign up for a house full of hormones.
And boy that is what we have!
Hormones have a nasty habit of rotating between my teenagers. This gives them a break, but sadly not us.
I must admit I am not gracious when it comes down to bad moods.
They want to be treated like adults, so this is where the rubber hits the preverbal road!
As an adult, we cannot just 'explode' at work. If we did, or we talked badly to our workmates or bosses we would be disciplined and ultimately fired.
This is pointed out to them, sometimes less eloquently than others!
Therefore at home, you are expected to learn to likewise control your mood swings and respect others may be having a hard time and do not need nor deserve your onslaught!
How I wish I was Michelle Duggar.
She sits and prays with them all, works through every possible mood and finds ways they can incorporate this goodness into daily lives. She seems to have endless patience with each of her 19 children, and always seems positive.
I try.
I really do. Visions of how much my mother upset me with the words she used still burn deep.
But I fail.
Some days more than others.
The twins are still up at night. if I have a really bad night and zero sleep and then have a really busy stressful day, it's fair to say I am not the worlds most gracious parent when they start to moan.
Tonight was an example.
Everything I asked to be done seemed to be met with a grunt, huff, or a come back.
I was NOT impressed.
I try hard to be even and fair with them. I try to show patience and understanding, I try not to be in a bad mood myself and not take things out on them. I really do try.
I guess at the end of the day, like everyone else I am human. Failure is part of life. As a parent we do not want to fail our children and have them end up in therapy blaming their upbringing for their personality disorders and hang ups. I also feel there's a subconscious pressure when you are the mother of many children, to be viewed as 'supermum' as well, because you have so many. You are either clinically insane or a saint. There's not much inbetween. This subconsciously adds to the pressure of being the epitome of the biblical mother. She who rises at dawn to cook before the family wakes and is mindful of their every need, putting them always before herself and doing every task perfectly.
Does she really exist?
As things stand, I don't think I have done too bad a job, so far, I still have many to hit the teenage years before I can sit here and breathe a sigh of relief. I haven't got it all worked out, but teaching teenagers for 20 plus years has helped. I hear them moan, what they want their parents to do and what they hate. It has really helped me see my own children in perhaps a more liberated way. I don't always like their lifestyle choices but they are growing up, independently from us. They need (under guidance) to make their own choices and to be their own people rather than accepting blindly the moral codes and practices we choose to raise them buy and bring them up as. If I simply imposed these on them, they would rebel, so instead life is a long compromise, and sometimes a battle of wills.
I love the people they are and are becoming (by and large, with one exception!). I am glad they are strong willed and deteminded, that will stand them in good stead in life. I am glad too they do respect what we ask and say, even if sometimes it is met with a little resistance or a huff and puff.
Raising teens takes courage. Courage to stand by your own convictions, courage to perhaps change these or adapt them, wisdom to know when that is the right thing to do, and determination to not ever give up on them no matter how hard and challenging they become.

The downside of having 5 girls as bridesmaids.....

It's expensive!
Yes, I know weddings are expensive.
The Daily Mail tells me the average wedding costs £25,000!!!!!
REALLY??
In percentage terms, we have spent roughly 1/4 of this!
I have 7 daughters! can you imagine, that would cost me £175,000.
I could buy a house for that. Sorry girls, I love you dearly but that's mad.
We will have a fantastic time, we are making so much ourselves and it will be totally unique and personable , rather than mass produced and impersonal.
Even down to the maternity bridesmaids dress I somehow am creating.
Then there's my girls.
All 5 of them who are bridesmaids (one isn't).
The 3 elder ones dresses were kindly bought  for them. Anya's (don't laugh) we found in Primark for £8 and it matches the flower girls ones, we saved a packet on these by finding them in the USA! They are very unique too.
We have ditched the idea of shoes. £20 for a satin pair they will wear once? I think not, so we are going for ballet shoes and I am hand sewing decorations. I did this for my own flower girls 25 years ago!
The older ones are WAY more fussy!
We have spray tan's too book, nails to have manicured, hair to get done, make up to buy and shoes!!! The strapless bra's alone cost £72 and that was in a half price sale! Thankfully they all need these for their Ballet shows as well.
Good lord!
I am actually starting to stay up at night and worry.
Some how we have to all be at the church at 11am.
11 AM!!!!!!!
When I found that out I nearly hung, drew and quartered the groom for booking it so early.
Anyone who knows our family, knows that early mornings are not our pista resitance! to say the least.
I cannot imagine what time I will have to rise inorder to get them all ready, and the twins as well.
The boys are thankfully far simpler.
Luke feels a bit hard done by as his ROA is two weeks before so he has to wear the same suit twice. He gets new shoes but they have to double up as new school shoes as well. The same goes for Jono, I was pleased I found a suit for him half price in Marks and Spencers Christmas sale. I may well sell his on ebay afterwards!
As always, it's the hidden costs you don't anticipate.
We have done pretty well, but everyone, understandbly wants to look their very best. Sadly that comes at a price.
So watch this space as the run down to Abigail's wedding commences and I slowly loose the will to live......

I must be absoulty mental......

But I am now into the last 9 weeks before Abigail's Wedding and my fat around my middle is steadfastly clinging on.
I have exercised like never before, dieter longer and harder and been so careful with everything, yet still it hasn't been easy to shift this weight.. I am much more toned and have lost nearly 2 stone, I hasten to add, but this last bit won't shift! It simply wants to stay and is resolute
So am I !
It has firmly met its match and I refuse to accept this weight as 'just me' now. I do not feel comfortable, still cannot fit most of my clothes and want to have the same figure at least that I had before I became pregnant!
So I have signed up for 14 days 'Kick start to fitness' at the gym. It is a more intensive programme that you have to stick to ridgy. Eating is not for pleasure, its to burn off fat. It has great results so I am determined to grit my teeth and stick to it. After all its only 14 days........14 very long days.
I am Day 2 at present.
Blinding headaches (lack of caffeine) and I cannot eat everything on the menu! I have tried to keep drinking water and hate all the protein and green without any dressings, or sauces, but I am still on it so far. I managed the workouts and am feeling positive about loosing this last stone.
Tomorrow I have to fast for 17 hours. It sounds tough but in reality with the twins so demanding I often don't get to eat till lunchtime as it is, so I actually don't see this as , as much of a hardships some of the other things.
I have, however realised just how much I pick, because I have to stop myself constantly.I finish off meals the children leave, pick as I make all their packed lunches etc, convincing myself its not much! Judging from how many times I have stopped myself this is quite worrying and I am glad to see this pattern.
So I will be posting more updates as I progress.
For anyone who is interested it was developed by Rachel Homes and is based around The Paleo Diet.

But by the grace of God........

Today there was a really bad accident in our little village.
It's shaken everyone up because someone died. A car mounted the kerb and hit two ladies standing outside the newsagents.
Two weeks ago, Susie was standing there with the twins and Mair eating an ice cream.
It sends shudders down my spine.
For me it is yet another reminder of how fragile life is, how it can disappear in a flash.
To be grateful of all I have instead of dwelling on other, less important things.
My thoughts are with the ladies family tonight, and the driver who survived and with the people who were so shaken at witnessing such a thing in such a sleepy village.

Babies are a brilliant antidote for teenage angst!

Bella and Anya

As I watched my teenagers play with the twins today I felt truly blessed.
They all have their 'moments' but they all REALLY LOVE THOSE BABIES!

Susie and Anya

I have witnessed a teenage mood evaporate the instant one of them smiles, coos, or does something funny.
And they do, all the time.
Their little personalities seem to develop and grow daily at the moment. So individual, so unique and just so darn cute!
My heart fills with joy as I watch my teens run up the path after school, dump their bags and shoes and fight to hold and love a baby first. To ask how they have been that day.

Martha and Anya

You see babies are good for a teenage soul.
Teens may not want to hug mum or dad, they maybe too cool /mad/angry/the lot! to do that, but the babies give them unconditional love. Always a hug, cuddle, smile is ready for the recipient.
I have watched my 15.5 year old, 5ft 11 son melt when he picks up Caleb to soothe him.

Luke and Caleb

They are not 'forced' to look after the babies, they do so willingly.
They take great pride in having photos of them on their face books, iphones, and other devices.
They know every little thing about their development and eagerly relate this to any teacher who has the misfortune of asking them 'how are the twins?".

Susie and Anya

At parent's night, Luke's teachers were amazed to see "Mr Cool', walk around with Caleb proudly displayed on his shoulder and complimented him on how confident he looked. Luke's face beamed.

Abie, Anya and Caleb

Equally when I have gone to the girl's parents nights and been told how they constantly talk about their twins and the rest of the family.
For such a large family, I am thankful they see all the positives and always remark on how close the children are.
I cannot imagine just having a house full of one age group.
I know my time will come, when sadly, that will be the case.
But for now I am so thankful for the little ones, who bring such joy into all our lives.

Miriam and Caleb

For all the people who perhaps thought 'we had enough' or the children cannot possibly get enough attention, I would say to come and sit with us for an hour or so, and then feedback.

What really matters

My ebay selling piles have sat in our lounge for two weeks now.
I was optimistic to say the least.
I brought them all downstairs, collected from around the house and various rooms.
This has amounted to three boxes and several bin bags.
Some has been sold.
The vast majority still lies in wait, ready to be photographed, cataloged and added.
The lounge is our only ABSOLUTE clutter free room, yet a lot of the time this fails.
We try!
I think everyone is getting sick of me saying 'I am going to clear all the ebay stuff today'.
Because in the holidays 'today' never came.
It VERY NEARLY came a couple of times.
The trouble was  the children needed me.
And they, after all are my priority.
There was Mair who wanted some new toys, so we went up to the cupboards in the girls room and ended up there al day going through dressing up clothes, babies and old lego, It was great fun and we had a fantastic time and she came away excited with all her 'new' things.
And the ebay stuff sat there.....
Then there was Bella's art course work. She had to enlarge a shoe. Four hours later, and quite a lot of laughter between us we completed a pretty impressive HUGE Christian Laboutin shoe!
And the ebay stuff sat there......
The rain stopped for a day so we all went out and enjoyed the sunshine and got lots of jobs done, including getting material fro bridesmaids dresses and ballet shoes.
And the ebay stuff sat there.....
The there was Luke's art course work, Martha's dress pattern, Mairs diary work, the easter egg hunt, Jono's birthday party, Caleb being ill....
And the ebay stuff sat there.......
At the end of the holiday it's still in the same place as it was two weeks ago.
Slightly irritating at times, but I know I made the wise choice.
Spending time with my children comes above everything for me. It is what matters. How relationships are built and forged and more importantly what they will remember.
Next week I will remove my ebay piles.
That's for sure!

I should have known........

never to trust Martha's party descriptions.............
True to form, she caught me off guard when Simon was away and I was busy.
'Charlotte's having a Party"
Um right.....as I feed the twins.
'Can I go?'
'Er I guess, when ?"
'Wednesday'
'But that's when we pick up Dad from the airport'.
'Oh it's not till later'
'Where does she live'
'Denbigh'
'I guess we can drop you off on the way back'.
And so it was left, in my mind over taken by the several thousand other things I had to think about.
Wednesday came. I had forgotten Bella's dental appointment so we were late leaving after this anyway.
As we were packing up Martha drops into the conversation
'er  Charlotte lives in Ruthin'
'R-U-T-H-I-N!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
'Do you realise how much farer that is?"
Clearly she did not, nor did she see it was infact her problem or anything to do with her.
Had I been less tired and sharper, and not virtually on the doorstep packing up everyone in the car I would have thought of plan B, or plan C, D or even E.
Foolishly I did not.
Instead I groaned and said 'okay'.
Okay meant that after we got to Ikea, downed 10 meatballs and chips. Chased around collecting the stuff we needed as well as being stared at by most of the customers (demented mother, 9 children, 3 trolleys, two babies screaming etc), got stuck in the world's longest traffic jam to the airport, missed dad's arrival by an hour, lost him totally in the airport for 40 mins, driven within 15 mins of home, and then had to take a 45min de tour to Ruthin, and back, we came home at 9.30pm instead of 8pm.
To say everyone was fed up would be the understatement of the century.
Dad was less than happy and made it abundantly clear he thought I was stupid agreeing to her!
The babies had screamed most of the way home so I was under no illusion how they felt.
The other kids were more gracious.
I am sure my 'payback' is awaiting me.
Note to self: never EVER trust Martha's party arrangements again.
Always get the child's phone number and check and double check this out first.
Do not agree to anything until its checked.
This has now happened too often.

Boot camp blog- week 13. A big fat FAIL!

I don't even want to write this.
I am pretty disgusted at myself all in all this week.
With Simon away there was a lot more to do. By the time I had cooked, cleaned, done laundry and got all the kids to bed, I sat down at 11pm and could simply not be bothered to start cooking a healthy meal.
I didn't over eat, I just ate, basically fats and carbs and crap.
Things I could get hold of fast. Things I don't eat and miss.Things that stop me feeling dizzy and tired.
Toast was a quick favourite, followed by cheese and apple and crisps with a glass of wine.
Woops.
I felt I had deserved it, as hubby was away having fun and I was graciously holding the fort singlehanded!
The scales were not forgiving.
I haven't exactly put on loads of weight, 1lb I think. However , my goal was to loose 2 lbs. so I am up a pound or two from where I was rather than being down if that makes any sense at all.
Basically I have set myself back two weeks.
I only have nine left and I am STILL seeing a big fat 11 on the scales. I should have been seeing a 10 by now!
This is hard.
Really hard.
I have been doing it for ages, and working my butt off, and still the pounds cling on.
Ten years ago I would have looked like a supermodel by now!
It all gets back to my age.
How I hate it.
So me and my body are again at war.
I will win.
Tomorrow bootcamp re starts after the Easter Holiday Break.
The four children's birthdays are all done. The cake is eaten. The eggs are all gone and I am not buying anymore wine.
I have instead bought a skipping rope, boxing gloves and pads!
Begone my fat waistline, begone.

Coping alone, and hubby's holiday.

Simon went to Florence today.

He arrived at 9 am and left at 10pm so he made the most of it!

He went on a guided cycle tour, caught buses, ate at local restaurants, and from what I can gather got a good feel for a city I love.

I went there as well.

Not today.

But when I was 17.

Quite a while ago.

It was fantastic. We went as a group of A level Art students with our teachers and their partners. We were treated as adults and had a fantastic time and learnt so much. Although I have yet to return (it was simply too hot and too busy to take all the children this summer) I can still vividly remember so much of this beautiful place.

So how am I getting on?

It all started with hubby not wanting the ipad I had saved to get him for his birthday in January. It's fair to say the children were gutted at his rejection of an object they have for a long time coveted. I was a little too, but not for long as I received a full refund so my savings account looked much healthier!

So what did he want to do ?

It turned out go on holiday, by himself to Italy for a break, in the food capital, Bologna.

'Book it' I told him, knowing his love of all things Italian and cooking.

But I secretly knew he never would get around to it.

So I did.

Weeks of trawling hundreds of sites and I had found a fantastic deal on flights and accommodation.

He was surprised to say the least.

Having had screaming twins up a lot at night, I was nervous!

He now returns in two days. We have survived 3 already.

He did work away for three years so it is not altogether unfamiliar territory.

The children have been great and rallied around to help at tea times and bedtimes when one person cannot get around everyone.

I have enjoyed being able to do things at my pace, and determine exactly what I want to do and when.

It has been great to be able to just take Jono and Mair out. The elder twins are at home revising so once the little twins are asleep I have been going out for a couple of hours locally incase I am needed back.

Today we met up with Abie and Glenn in a pub that has an indoor play area. That cost just £2. We then went to Mc Donald's for lunch (I had nothing), and then the pier and the 2p slot machines. The children always love this treat about once a year when they get £1 in 2p's to spend on all those money slots that make you feel you are winning until you realise you have no money left.

It was a lovely, and cheap afternoon out and it was great to have just them, where I could talk and listen to them alone without any other interruptions.

Yes, it's been tiring, but not half as bad as I thought.

Am I jealous?

Not really.

Because I would not be able to leave the children to go away. I simply miss them too much. Leaving them and missing them would mean a totally miserable holiday. Simon is very different. That's good, because he has managed to have a great break, be able to do his own thing for the first time in 25.5 years of marriage without considering anyone else. I am glad he had made the most of it.

We have survived and bonded.

I am sure he will come back refreshed.

Sometimes you just have to let go.

The bean bag

Our new bean bag arrived this week.

Not your run of the mill ordinary sized one, I may add, but our huge Big Bertha!

And she's big!

Usually these are out of our price range and budget, however with my groupon voucher we got over £100 from the price.

She arrived in a box and we had to fill her ourselves.

I foolishly tried to do this at around 12.30 am on my own.

After watching several thousand little white balls spill on the floor I realised I needed back up.

Martha was brushing her teeth and Susie was watching TV so they were both swiftly enlisted.

Eventually we filled it, just as I was zipping it up, Susie said 'well done' and gave the bag a huge pat, and the little beans came spilling out again. We all fell about laughing. These beans have amid of their own, believe me.

Finding a space for Big Bertha has been a challenge to say the very least. My husbands face was a picture when he saw the size.

It's great to have her here. We now all have somewhere to sit on video nights!

I love snuggling up on her. 

I am catapulted back to my college days when I bought my first bean bag.

I can still remember snuggling up on it every night after tea. I used to place it next to the radiator in my campus room.I cherished the peace and quiet, my independence and my cosiness all on my own.

My bean bag represented so much of my new freedom, my new life.

Snuggling up on big bertha sent me right back 30 years.

So strange how something can evoke such memories.

Many happy snuggly times to come I think.

The birthday and the age debate............

It was a fantastic day.
There's something so endearing about being 6. There's the excitement over everything, the enthusiasm and still the babyness mixed with a little bit of attitude now. I love this age.I don't love the fact in a few short years she will be hormonal! I intend to enjoy every barbie dressing up moment that I possibly can with her.
She is the baby I wondered if I would ever have.
The child my GP told me I was selfish trying for (needless to say he is now my 'ex' GP!)
If I had listened to many people we would have stopped after Joshua. He died just before I was 40. We were told, stop there. I desperately did not want to end on such a tragedy, and wanted more children.
So despite my GP and his dreadful comments (the worst being that I was a waste of tax payers money), I continued.
I had a miscarriage.
It's your age they said.
Yeah , so what about the other 4, 3 of which I had in my twenties????
Hmmm.
I didn't' listen.
I am soooooooooo pleased I ignored them, as I now have an amazingly beautiful 6 year old. Healthy, happy, full of love and life. She healed so much of all our grief by just being herself and I cannot imagine a day without her little face in my life.
They said, well that's enough now. You don't NEED anymore.
I am not sure I NEEDED any of them actually. But I did WANT a large family.
Surely that's it.
Well actually no.
And we went onto to have the most amazing little twins...again.
Yes I was old.
Well old in the world's eyes.
Not old enough to have my menopause though, and clearly young enough to carry and have more children successfully.
What unsettled me a bit was people's reactions.
Some were open when I finally annouced my pregnancy.
'Omg I cannot imagine having a child at your age, but fair play.'
'I secretly wish I had had more'.
' I would have loved a baby in my 40's but don't tell anyone'.
Then there were others who obviously disapproved so have said nothing, for an entire year.
Why is it that being pregnant in your 40's is so wrong?
Or is it rather that we do not see many people in their 40's being pregnant? Certainly most of my peer group avidly avoid pregnancy and when I googled it I was shocked how many 40 somethings terminated an unexpected pregnancy.
Why am I somehow considered selfish when just 40 years ago women were encouraged to have children until they were no longer able.
Many of the older women I speak to are not so shocked, as they grew up in a generation where having a baby in your late forties and heaven forbid early 50's was not unheard of.
My nana had a baby at 47, my husbands mother had twins at 46, and my friends mother had her 12 th baby at 48!
My friend in London tells me I would not be out of place there.
Here I clearly am.
Interestingly I was asked, last week, independently by 7 people when I was going to have another one.
I was encouraged they naturally thought I would.
What a breath of fresh air.
And if I did, what a hoo ha that would cause!!!!
Why?
Because in our media centred, materialistic world, where looks and money seem the'god's' I am deemed now 'past it'.
Okay, I challenge anyone half my age to keep up with me for a week and then tell me that!
Anyone willing??????

Bootcamp Blog Week 12

Three months.
Three long, hard months.
Despite the few 'blips' along the way, the most recent being Abie's Hen Do, I am still consistently loosing weight and inches each week.
It doesn't get any easier, infact sometimes it is harder.
Harder to leave the children at times they need me.
Harder to keep dragging myself there on very little sleep.
Harder to keep to a diet I have now been trying to maintain for months.
But it is worth it.
I feel much, MUCH fitter.
I can now lift 3.5kg on each weight. I don't feel such a pathetic wimp in the body pump classes any longer.
I can just about do most of the classes for the whole of the session without giving up and lying in a heap on the floor, and although I still ache, it's not the intensity of pain I once felt.
If I had tried to do this on my own I would have failed, miserably.
I am not sure exactly what it is that makes it so successful, or if it is simply a combination of many factors.
Firstly you have to want to do it. If you don't then you will fail at the first hurdle.
The instructors are all fantastic and so encouraging. Yes they push you, but we need a push out of complacency.
There is the fact that the classes are made up of so many different shapes and sizes. Everyone there keep fit for their own reasons, from the granny in her 70's pumping iron too the teenagers and all sorts in between. Everyone is friendly and accepting. There is so air of superiority or judgement.That helps a lot.
Then, there is the fact we have paid to come along. We want to keep going to get our moneys worth.
The classes offer a huge choice from circuits, body pump, zumba, yoga, weights, fighting fit, boxercise, high energy dance to name a few. It means that boredom does not set in and because they are all too music with routines that keep your mins and body active the 45 mins flies.
I have initially signed up for 6 months. I am now half way through. If I make the same improvements in the next six months I will be thinner and healthier than I have been for 15 years! Now there is an incentive!
Middle age fat?
Begone!

The hen night, a view of a world I don't see much and the people walking the streets at 3am making a difference part 2.

Call me naive.

Well I am rather.

I was slightly shocked, on Saturday to see quite so many people completely 'out of it' and hammered through drinking too much on the streets of Chester.

Yes I read the papers.I know our appalling record for being the 'binge drinking' nation.

Remember I teach teenagers.

I have so far seen all three of my eldest stumble through the door in a variety of not so good states.

I really does worry me. However I am glad they feel they can learn their tolerance of alcohol whilst living with me, where I can at least look after them, than waiting until they leave and be stumbling through a strangers door.

Of course I wish they didn't get in such a state.

They are over 18, in the eyes of the law they are considered adults, so there is very little I can do when they reach this age.

Grounding is ineffective.

Punishing them, fairly futile, especially as when they are in such a state they have punished themselves enough by making a complete fool out of themselves anyway.

It seems some sort of 'right of passage' that I have to watch, until it is out their system, and they can drink sensibly again.

I think the most shocking thing is watching how many people my age and a bit younger , have very obviously not learnt this lesson.

I cannot fathom the appeal of spending a fortune, getting so drunk you look stupid, throwing up all the alcohol you have spent a fortune drinking, looking so embarrassingly degrading, and then feeling ill for several days.

Sorry, but that does not constitute in my mind a fun night out.

In Europe it is so very different. My husband and I spend many hours discussing why.

Children in many countries are introduced to alcohol at a very early age, where it is acceptable for them to drink with their parents. This does not turn them into binge drinking, alcoholic teenagers.

The pubs and clubs in Prague are filled to the brim with people eating and drinking to the early hours. However the only binge drinkers are the 'stag' do's from the UK. How embarrassing. When I lived there they had quite a reputation. Not least, with the street thieves who saw them as very easy pickings!

Whilst sitting on the street with my (slightly worse for wear 18 year old-yes her dread of mother seeing her drunk came to fruition) we were approached by a group of people all dressed in blue. On their coats was emblazoned "street pastors". They offered us foil blankets, flip flops and water, and asked if there was anything else they could do to help. They didn't start to 'bible bash' but seemed genuinely concerned for our welfare. They left quite an impression on our group who were very grateful for the items they handed out as the temperatures by 3 am were nearing 0!!! not so glamourous at that level in a skimpy dress. On realising I could conduct a logical conversation, they bid us goodnight and moved on.

The next day I googled them. I was amazed to find out that they have been operating for 8 years now. Set up ' to respond to urban problems, engaging with people on the streets to care, listen and dialogue".

For more information about them take a look at their website:

http://www.streetpastors.co.uk/

There are over 250 teams operating around the UK. They are out in city centres on Fridays and Saturday night between 10-4 am.

I am so very pleased to know when my children go out that they are also there. Susie told me that a few weeks ago when she was out, she got separated from her friends and they waited with her till she found them again.

I was so impressed that I have emailed them to see if we can start this in Llandudno too.

It was good to see such a positive end to the evening and encouraging to know that there are people , willing to walk the streets to take care of our children as they take their first, wobbly ! steps into the adult world.

The hen night, a view of a world I don't see much and the people walking the streets at 3am making a difference part 1.

Abigail, Susie and me.

Well THAT was an interesting night!

Me at a night club in Chester , on the dance floor at nearly 2am!!!

Not an everyday occurrence.

The last time I was in Rosie's was 20 years ago, when a group of friends took me to my first ever night club for a farewell send off just before we left for Prague.

So , last night, was infact my second night club experience.

I lead a sheltered life!

So what was the reason for me coming out of night club hibernation after so long?

Being invited along to my eldest daughter's hen night. When she found out I had been invited by her best friend she was far from impressed. 'why do YOU want to come'. hmm, not the reaction I was anticipating. I had hoped for more enthusiasm, an empathy with the fact I was undergoing emotional hell at the mere thought of what to wear, or perhaps a nod that she had a really 'cool' mother. But no.

She slowly warmed to the idea, and the fact that one of the other bridesmaids mothers had been invited along with the groom mother as well. Probably relieved she would not have to entertain me all night.

Daughter no 3, had been invited as well. She was also less than impressed I was coming, but from her point of view this was based on the knowledge of how drunk she gets and what an embarrassment that would be with her mother looking on!

Having spent most of the last month:

a. Stressing about what to wear

b. trying on outfits

c. buying outfits and taking them back

d. Despairing over ever finding an outfit

e. Despairing over everything else!

I rapidly concluded that a night out for me is more stressful than work, giving birth or infact anything else in my life at present!

In the end procrastination won.

I simply buried my head in the sand, until 5.20pm to be precise when I had to get ready.

Not helped by the fact I cannot fit most of my wardrobe still, I turfed what I could find out on the bed.

Surveying the carnage before me I realised I have very very little to 'go out' in. I have plenty of work clothes and casual clothes but not any in that specific category.

Thank the lord for the invention of Lycra, lots of it, spandex infact.

A lot of huffing and puffing saw my figure reduced considerably.

Hence the double chin- my belly fat, I am convinced had been squashed up to my neck (well that's what it felt like). I realised the toilet would be a half hour contortionist act to say the very least.

Outfit one was rejected. Good, saved myself £60.

Outfit two was also rejected, at the gain of £55.

One of my friends had advised me just to choose something I felt comfortable in. Deep in my wardrobe I found my old (15 years) faithful 'posh' shoes. I located my beige chinos that are comfy and the only addition was a top I had found reduced from £120 to £16.99- gotta love TK MAXX!

I was feeling quite proud of myself and my very low budget outfit. Susie had gone, so I reached for Bella for the 'teenage/younger persons' approval. 

'Wear a belt' she said.

So I did.
With all honesty, next too 10 beautiful, young, slim and very glamourously dressed girls, I cannot say I felt good about myself, however I did at least feel I had gone to enough trouble not to look too out of place. I don't think I would have managed 6 inch killer heels, and a skimpy dress! At my age, it's a very fine line between looking trendy and looking a tramp! I decided to steer well clear of those analogies!
By the end of the evening I had located the quick toilets where I was left alone to heave my way out of my lycra in peace. My feet killed me. My head banged (not through alcohol but rather loud music and having to shout over it. My throat killed (for the same reason as before) but, to my utter surprise I had enjoyed myself. I made it to 3 am, did shots, danced like a wooden plank, sang my heart out, took photos, spoke to random strangers and carted daughter no 3 back to the mini bus.
Hen nights?
I am a pro!