Happy 50th Birthday Simon!

Just a quick blog to wish my husband a lovely day once again.
We made it out tonight, to the cinema which was quite a treat.
Without him in my life I would not be able to do all that I do.
He is unselfish, and totally supportive. He washes, irons, cooks and cleans.
He works very hard and lectures in the evening to give us extra money.
He does nappies, sluices poo and mops up puke.
He does a mean steri strip as well (a necessity if you lived in Eastern Europe 20 years ago!)
He instinctively knows when things have to be done and we work well as a team.

He is a great husband and father.

I cannot imagine how my life would have been had I not sat next to him on the first Theology Lecture in University 30 years ago!

'The Wright stuff' response to '15 Kids and Counting'

Us, in 2002, with 'only' seven children. I still love this photo so much.

I wasn't going to write about this, until that is, I happened to watch my first Daytime TV show for years, The Wright Stuff. I will not be watching again.
The programme, for those of you who missed it, is over three weeks and features 9 families all with 9 or more children, where the parents are working and not claiming benefits. We were asked to take part, for many reasons we declined. It's not for us.
However, I do support the parents, brave (or mad) enough to let the TV camera's film their lives for six months. Unfortunately, like so many media portrayals, much of what they filmed was missed out, and some given rather more importance than other bits.
Of course the media like a good juicy story don't they. Normal won't get the ratings.
I was staggered, therefore at Matthew Wright's judgemental comments, based largely on ignorance, and not taking into account of how much footage must have been missed.
I truly get fed up with hearing that I must be selfish for wanting so many children. Why on earth do I 'NEED" so many? I am apparently not taking into account the cost to the planet, it's resources, as well as The National Health Service and it seems the Education Service, whom we both work for.
Matthew feels we should ideally have just one child, two at the absolute most.
An only child ideal?
Has he actually read any of the studies emerging since China adopted their one child policy?!
I was an only child. It isn't ideal as far as I am concerned. My children always feel sorry for only children and love all their brothers and sisters.
For my parents, like many I know, it was not by choice. They did a great job, but I grew up longing for a larger family. Okay I can now see where an interviewer would be heading ! I must have a large family because of some deeper loss in childhood? Hmm, not sure about that one.
It got even more interesting with the phone in. One woman thought we should all be sterilised after child no 2. Gosh! the last time I looked, I lived in a democracy!
So to answer some of the many things that came up:
1. May I suggest if my children are such a strain on the NHS that you have to limit them, then lets also limit other things that are a stress on the NHS and also life choices. Lets put a cap on the amount people smoke and drink. Maybe one bottle of alcohol and week and one packets of cigarettes? No one would dare suggest this! I also run a charity, free of charge and draw no wage, that takes hours of my time and directly helps many hospitals where there own resources are too stretched. Maybe I have already paid back in kind all I owe? Do you do any voluntary work Matthew?
2. Obesity. If I am such a strain, my childbearing has to be capped, then lets stop all obese people from eating in Mc Donald's. Oh can you see the out cry! how unfair, how embarrassing.
3. If you choose not to have children , you seem to object to me claiming child benefit, which you have to pay for. Okay so when you are old and on a pension, you won't have any children to support the economy so you may actually be thankful that my large family are! they will be paying back what they were given as children!By the way, when I lived in Eastern Europe for 5 years I wasn't allowed to claim this, and neither did I receive the Czech equivalent!
4. The worlds resources. I do not drive a 4 x 4 ,in fact until we had our 5th child we cycled everywhere and never owned a car! Neither do I run a dishwasher, the tumble drier goes on about once a week, the washing machine once a day, sometimes less. We pull out every plug at night and nothing is allowed on standby. Our heating bill is my husbands pride and the envy of most of my friends whose bills are considerably higher (we switch it off and wear a jumper, which is actually far healthier) and we make all our meals by scratch, thus cutting down on the amount of cardboard, plastic etc others waste. We use reusable nappies, baby wipes and face wipes, and yes heaven forbid I use washable sanitary towels too. We pass down clothes and other baby things. Some of the toys have lasted 24 years (lego, duplo etc). We are very careful not to waste whatever we can use, so I am sorry Matthew and anyone else, we do not use two, three, four , five times the amount you do, I hazard a guess my family do not have the same carbon footprint as many suburban London families with two children.
5. It is selfish. Why exactly? Who can say, hand on heart that they do not make a selfish choice ever? I can think of many more selfish choices that impact far greater on others than having another child.
6. Education. As I work in this field, I see many dwindling school roles, and schools that are closing because the birth rate is falling. I see families who do not value education and whose children are far more expensive than my own , due to the amount of 'outside bodies' that have to be brought in to manage their challenging behaviour. I see waste in local councils than runs far deeper than the strain my own children represent.The education that my children receive will one day give them a good job, which in turn will help the economy. Tania, featured, home educates her children, yet still people critized her for this. We cannot win can we?
I am not critising you if you smoke, drink or are obese at all, these are life choices just as having a large family is mine. I am merely using them as examples to represent why it is unfair to feel we can justify limiting one persons individual choices over another. The last time I looked, I lived in a democracy, where people's choices were respected. Religious, moral, social, educational. This isn't a particularly eloquent or fact driven reply, simply because I am tried, and have a stack of marking to do. But it's from the heart.
No one has ever approached me and told me how selfish I was to have such a large family, thank god! They have approached us, to say how lovely they all are, how lucky we are, how well behaved they are, and often, sadly how they wish they had, had more. Often pressure from families, friends and society has influenced their decision to stop. I have never heard someone say they stopped because they thought it was selfish or a strain on natural resources!
Interesting.

The post baby weight loss struggle (14th time)

I am soooooo unfit!
It's embarrassing.
I also cannot figure how I can run around all day and night and not only not shift a single pound but still be unfit as well.
It's not fair.
My metabolism and me are now officially at war.
I think it's winning at the moment.
I have never, EVER in all my pregnancies found it this hard to loose the weight.
My husbands favourite phrase seems to be 'It's your age'
Thanks, I really love being reminded of that one!
Genetically if you saw my grandmother and Aunties you would know why I try so hard.
God predisposed for me to have my father 'fat ' jeans, and not the one's you wear!
I was on a diet at 6. In fact I can't remember a time I wasn't on a diet.
I can't blame my mum. My dad died at 42 of a heart attack, his two brothers also died in their 40's of heart attacks. She obviously wanted to make sure I wasn't heading in the same direction.
Being a fat child, well very plump, in the 1960's and 1970's was unheard of. Not like today. I was one of about 3 or 4 'larger' kids at primary school where everyone else was stick thin.
It was with deep joy that I watched my very skinny best friend eventually fill out at 14 (Sorry Irene!) along with a whole host of my class. I was no longer in diet isolation.
At 17 I had had enough. I had shot up and at 5ft 8 was taller than my friends and also considerably heavier. I stopped eating. Very successfully actually.
I lost 4 stone in the same length of months. The Ed psych was called in to find the 'deeper meaning' behind such a dramatic loss. I hated him with a passion. The fact he weighed about 20 stone and dealt with Anorexics was perhaps funny!
At 18 I was an adult, so simply refused to see him any longer. By then I was skinny and hovered just above 7 stone (under and they were going to section me). I had successfully given my close group of friends either eating disorders or complexes about their weights and was in the grips of an obsession.
 I went off to Uni, met my hubby to be (who was very tall and very thin) and he had never met anyone who didn't' eat and could not understand it. I became a Christian, and slowly I got better, which meant getting fatter too :(
Throughout my adult life my weight remained an issue. Most of the time I kept it at a normal level, but I sank back into my anorexic ways about 14 years ago for a while whilst under a lot of pressure and having a close friend who was very bulimic and influential.
I am better now, but I still struggle with the whole image thing. I have had to control this because I have  8 girls and do not want any of them to have any sort of eating disorder. Thankfully genetics was kind to them and they have all been blessed with their fathers shape.
I have prided myself on always managing to loose the weight before the next baby came along. This time it's not working (not that I am planning anymore! but I do have a wedding)
I despise exercise with a passion. I have been going to the gym now for about 14 years on and off which is pretty good for someone who hates it!
Boot camp is a whole new level of desperation. I must be desperate to keep going!
It is work outs at an extreme level.
But good.
If I was doing it at home I would have given up long ago, but there you can't it's too embarrassing. You just have to keep going.
So there we are.
I will be back to report this weeks loss.
Last week was 2 lbs so it's going in the right direction at least.

How to cope with lots of teenagers and homework, course work and exams!

I often get asked this one as the bulk of my children are at the teenage stage now, or just about to enter this (deep joy!)

I am fairly strict about homework, course work and exams. Both working in local secondary schools does help. I am also a Team Leader for Edexcel G.C.S.E Religious Education which involves going to London for 4 days each year, going through the exam papers and deciding on the mark schemes etc, then over seeing a team of markers, reading and marking their work, as well as my own allocation. The exam marking process is complex but their are so many checks to ensure it is done correctly.

So, and by no means extensive these are some of my tips.

Homework:

• Make sure you check their planners each night before you agree to letting them go out. They may try and blag you they have no homework when in fact they have a stack! If they do not write this down or loose a planner, phone the school. You can pay for a new diary, and you can often contact your child's teacher/ head, deputy of year who will email you the work expected.
• Set aside times for them to complete this. Be open to their own activities and needs. We schedule computer times according to who needs to use it. As most of the children come home after Jono (10) that is his time, equally they all get up late at the weekend so he can have quiet use of it then as well.
• Check they actually understand what they are doing! We often have to go over homework with our children as they have not understood all that is expected of them.
• Make sure there's no excuse not to complete it (ink in the printer, glue sticks, lined and plain paper, pens, pencils, scissors etc)
• Check it's completed correctly and not just scrapped off. This does not teach them anything of the real world and it's expectations of our children if we let them produce rubbish. Also check they have packed it in their bags, as they often just 'dump' it in a rush and then forget all about it.
• Stress there is a point to homework. Equally if some unrealistic homework has been set, write in the child's planner why this has not been completed. We, personally do not agree with huge holiday homework's, or lots of weekend homework.These are times when they children should be able to relax and switch off, not be chained to the kitchen table doing more work. Stand up for yourself! and your kids.
• Wearing the teachers hat now- it is very frustrating when you have a pile of course work to mark and grade and you set aside an evening to do this, and one or two children simply have not done it. They need to, and you need their marks. Eventually they get it done. You then have to find the other work, remind yourself of the marks, mark theres and add all the grades.

Top homework excuses I have had:

• the dog ate it (why did the dog get it?)
• it ended up in the washing machine (how can a large A4 sheet of paper end up there?)
• we had no printing ink (why not go and buy some? or send it to your school email address and print it out at school)
• I forgot to write it down (phone a friend/facebook/blackberry bm)
• I didn't know it had to be handed in TODAY (ask your friends???)
• It was in my bag this morning...(yawn, well it's not now)
• I didn't understand it (I gave you a week why didn't you come and ask)

Course work:

This has to be completed in school now, but often they can plan at home before hand. Some of our kids have been very good at telling us, asking for help with planning this and work hard.Others have either not told us at all, or the night before meaning we cannot help them much. I personally think school's should send a letter home with all the dates on it!

Tips to help your child:

• When they tell you when there course work is due in or they have a timed piece to plan for write it on the calendar.
• Go through with them what they need to do, and check their books to see if they have enough notes. If they don't raid Waterstones revision books section! If it's English Lit get out the dvd of the book and watch it with them.
• If your child seems to not know what is expected phone the school and ask to speak to the teacher, who 9 times out of ten is very happy to explain things to you.
• Encourage your child to get the highest grades they can. Good grades on coursework means the heat is taken off the final exam!

Exams:

Having been an examiner for 9 years now, for three separate boards, I have read thousand of candidate papers. My tips are based on these observations, my classes, and my own children's learning styles.
Basically there are three main learning styles: Audio, visual and kinaesthetic. Your child will fit into one of these but may lean into another as well.

•  Kinaesthetic learners learn best by 'doing'. They will find it very hard to sit on a chair all day and revise from notes! Doodling, chewing gum and fiddling with things actually help their brain to retain information , they are not being naughty! If your child fits this, make sure that revision periods are short bursts of half an hour to 45 mins. Then let them walk around, make a drink and have a break. Make sure the next revision period is different (if they were revising from a book, go onto a website or interactive CD). Many children in the past who fitted this learning style were perceived as 'distracting ' kids when really they just found learning from work books and the board wasn't helping them .
• Audio learners learn best by' listening'. They find they absorb information best by hearing it. This can be hard in a rowdy classroom for them to learn. Sometimes because of this they then switch off. Help your child to revise by finding interactive CD'S and Websites. Encourage your child to 'read out' their notes onto a cd or their phone and listen to these on the way to school and at times in the evening. Read the extra workbooks and notes allowed to your child.
• Visual Learners learn best by 'seeing'. This means that again an interactive cd, diagrams and pictures are how your child will learn best. Encourage them to make revision notes with colourful web diagrams and pictures and brain storm ideas (I know I am not meant to use that term any longer!) and make mind maps, get them to use lots of different felt pens for each topic and pictures to stimulate a key word. When they are in an exam they will remember the picture and this will trigger off the rest of the notes.

NB: There are many websites that offer online tests to see what learning style you are. Whilst these are not full proof they may give you an indication if you are not sure.

When your child is revising get them to try a variety of these ways of learning. Sitting with a open school book chanting will not get them a pass higher than a C!.They need to also practice exam questions. Each exam board has old papers on their websites and most have a mark scheme as well. Your child needs to practice the papers in the timescale allotted as well as understanding the mark scheme and they way their paper is marked.

Go through an exam paper with them. Point out the time they have divided by the number of questions. Talk through the fact that they need to answer the questions with the most marks (marks are the little number after the lines on the paper usually). Children will often waste time remembering a one mark question then be too rushed for time to answer the ten mark one! Encourage them to move on from anything they cannot remember and answer everything they can, then if theres time go back to it.

If they feel they are running out of time tell them to make bullet points of the main facts. They may well still pick up marks.

Read the questions with them.Make sure they understand exactly what they question means. Over the years one of the main reasons I have not awarded full marks to students is because they have not applied their knowledge and understanding to the question. Yes, they know the facts, but the higher order skill that gets students the A and A* is their application of this knowledge, use of quotes and reference to theorists/ authors etc.

There are many many websites which also help parents.

Most of all encourage them. Show them that if they want to succeed and get a good job and earn loads of money (as they all seem to want) marrying a footballer or winning the lottery are not options for most of us. A rewarding career comes from hard work and it starts now. There is no easy way to pass exams unless you are super brainy! and I find the super brainy ones actually work very hard too. The media has much to answer for feeding our kids that they will get things from life handed on a plate (My super sweet 16 has to be one of the very WORST examples of this!)

Yes, it is up to our children to take responsibility for their own learning to a point. Some of my children have been very self motivated and some I have had to ground, take the internet connection and phones to work with me and hold a gun to their heads! (metaphorically speaking) At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself what is the priority. You spending time helping your child to succeed or just letting them do their own thing?

We can spend, easily every night of the week helping one, or more of our teenagers with their work. Sometimes this can take all evening or most of the weekend. It is rewarding to spend time with the children and they do appreciate it in the end.

In this age of schools spoon feeding, facebook , twitter and mobiles I would watch what they are actually achieving- it may not be what you think!

Good websites:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/gcsebitesize/
http://www.s-cool.co.uk/
http://www.topmarks.co.uk/

The Child Benefit debate from a large families point of view.

It's reared it's ugly head once again.
The Government, as we all know are debating cutting child benefit to richer families.The problem exists with the cut off point.
At what level are people deemed "well off".
It's a no win, whatever they decide.
Like most families, we rely on child benefit each month. We did not have loads of children to then get 'loads' of child benefit, and I am equally very careful to make sure it is divided equally between them all. Firstly it is used to ease the strain of the ever increasing (not because of our family size, but rather, rising prices ) food bill, which I hasten to add is well below many of our work colleagues who have two or three children! It is used for school essentials such as coats and shoes, it is also used for nearly all the children's clothing, and presents. It does, directly benefit them. I try to save some for activities and the clothing for these things as well. However this is hard.
I know some friends who openly admit they do not need this. They put it, each month into a savings account for their children's university fees or for when they will leave home. It's quite a sizeable amount by 18, roughly £18,000. Some have felt guilty, and have used this for the benefit of less fortunate families by buying food to donate to food share, toys for the toy collections and donating it to charities. At least, it then goes to those who need it the most.
Child benefit first evolved in post war Britain when the government tried to help parents suffering poverty and food shortages. Having just watched the first episode of BBC's brilliant series ' Call the midwife' based in 1957, I can now understand a little more of the background behind why this was decided. Over the years it has undergone further changes due to economic downturns and government changes.

The sort of cartoons I dread appearing!

The allowance currently stands at £20.30 for a first child and £13.40 for subsequent children, weekly.
If you have just one child and save this amount for 18 years it comes to a staggering £17, 539.20. Quite a sum for a child starting University!
If like us, you have a large family, this too is quite a large sum each month. This is where we come into the 'most hated' category , especially by those who chose not to have children and violently appose such a benefit, they feel, paid from their taxes. To them, I would say:
a. It was your choice NOT  to have children, therefore, not being eligible for this benefit.
b. In your later life, it will be my large family, out at work, paying for you! Without my family, and others having more children, we will not be able to support an increasingly ageing population. Hmm.
There's also the cut off debate. How do you decide who is too well off?
Currently it has been suggested this should be £44,000 for a family with one earner and £43,000 if both partners are working. The papers featured several families. One was a father earning £44,000, whose wife stayed at home to look after the children. The other , had one child and as both parents earned £42,00 each. which meant their joint household income was £84,00, however they were still eligible.
This is clearly unfair, and especially targets single parents, again.
As for all the migrant families, I do feel it unfair they are entitled to all our benefits. As many of you will know, we lived in The Czech Republic for 5 years. In that time we had three more children. One was born there, the other two , twins came back at 13 days old. We were entitled to none of the privileges of their system, nor to any benefits as we were 'foreigners'. We were also not entitled to child benefit from this country as well (this has now changed). We did not think it particularly unfair, and felt, as we were living and working in a foreign country by our own choice this was reasonable. I therefore do not feel we should be paying vast amounts of benefits to people choosing to leave their own country and live in ours.

I don't have the answers, and thankfully I am not in the auspicious task of having to make any policy changes as our government will have to do. I am as grateful for this benefit now with 11 children (8 of whom I receive a benefit for) as I was for my first child. Whatever happens, this benefit has helped us through some tough times and I will be grateful for however long it continues.

An Epiphany moment!

There I was typing my notes and handouts ready for next weeks lessons tonight on the computer when I read the sentence in the course book about middle age (groan):
'People of this age often loose their parents. This can be hard as it brings home the idea that they are now the older generation in their family'.
That's it!
Since my mum died I have increasingly felt this sense of responsibility I didn't have before. The buck now stops with me.I am totally responsible for everyone's wellbeing. Before they could go to my mum for advice and support as well.
So could I.
Now I am it.
There's no one else.
This little sentence in my course book summed up the enormity of all I have felt.
Do I feel any better?
Let's wait and see. At least I feel I can understand a bit more.
I still miss my mum. I doubt if that will change much.
I miss going to her for advice. To check things out. To have someone else who loves the children as much as we do offer her support, and if I am honest, to moan. After all , she was my mum!
I somehow feel much older (not good) and not much wiser either!
I need to learn to accept and grow into my new role, without her there.

Work life balance dilemma again

I know I have gone back to work when.....

• I am dashing about far more than usual
• I feel sick and stressed the night before that I have forgotten something
• I am behind in the washing
• The house starts to have more 'piles' everywhere
• My 'to do' list suddenly has 20 more items overnight
• The fridge is missing vital items of food (usually the midnight milk dash to Tesco)
• I am cooking my tea at 10.30 pm
• I forget a kids activity/or something they had to take to it
• My petrol bill goes up 50%
• My laundry changes from jeans and sweat shirts to work trousers, matching tops and a cardigan
• I start collecting childcare articles again
• You tube and google become my new best friends
• The hallway is cluttered with briefcases and students work to mark
• I don't loose my car keys, I loose my security badge!
• I have to make yet another packed lunch
• Emails, chats and non essentials get pushed to the weekend
• I sound more like a teenager (direct influence from being trapped with a bunch of them in a classroom all day)
• My make up gets the cob webs blown off it
• I am a lot more aware of how I look (and how fat I feel)
• I realise I do not own one pair of matching socks
• I get back late when the kids are already home (something I hate)

I have only gone back to work, one day a week and already I feel it is taking over my life.

Caleb has developed a bad case of conjunctivitis, and instead of just getting on with dealing with it, I am now worrying how much time I will have to take off to look after him. No daycare takes babies with this, and as I had only started work last week after an absence of over 10 months, I would personally rather have stuck hot coals in my eyes than ask for a day off. Simon did instead. Phew.

My week planning is now dominated not by the babies, or the shopping , or the charity or my other projects but rather by my work planning, marking etc.

My cooking  and shopping revolves around making sure everything is up straight for Friday when I work. Mair's uniform, and all the babies clothes and contraptions they need to go with them are laid out military precision the night before, and what can be packed in the car is, to eliminate forgetting anything in the madness of 10 people leaving the house at some unearthly hour in the morning.

6.30-7 am. Tempers are short, we only have one hairdryer, one set of straighteners and two bathrooms (both small). Everyone feels they have priority!

I get to work at 8.45am and feel I have already completed a days work! Just lugging the twins from the car to the childminder singlehandly with endless bags is exhausting in the semi darkness. The dumping another one or two kids off at breakfast club sees me break into an olympic sprint as their schools are 4 miles apart and the timescale is 15 mins.

My students must think I am incredibly unfit as I huff and puff along the corridor to greet them. The staff car park has been moved to the further esherons of the campus, the students cars now have priority outside the building. hmm. Not funny with three briefcases, a bundle of students work, a lunch box and handbag and a group of spotty, rude teenage boys behind you waiting for you to drop something and make their day! (oh yes I have done this in style-windy day-file breaks-500 sheets fly across the campus-I run after them-teen boys howl with laughter and remind me for the next million years what a prat I look)

9 am I sink into my chair and take my register, write todays plans on the board (headings in Welsh and English) and start the days teaching. They are a great group, God love them, we work solidly as we have a lot of ground to cover. Babies and Toddlers 1-3 years, children 3-5 years, school age children 5-11 years and finally teenagers, at least with this topic they have a good chance of answering all the exam questions with no revision. We have a good laugh, the conversation digresses several times and then for some obscure reason in health and safety planning, they sound the fire alarm, on Friday 13th!!!! who thought of that one? Is it a joke? We cannot take the chance. The last time it was for real, with several fire engines later appearing, us standing out in the cold and blizzard like snow conditions (me heavily pregnant) for what seemed like hours.

I work through breaks and lunch to catch up, they come in early to catch up as well. The afternoon goes fast. The seagulls on the roof tap dance away (I am sure they bring distant relatives on a Friday for my pleasure) and then to add to the din a drill starts. It is no wonder I have no voice by 3.05pm.

I remind them of homework and to have a good week, they say their cheerful hurried goodbyes as they scramble for the door and we part for another week.

4pm, online work done, paper work complete, lessons planned, notes made. Dash for the car and home. Too late to take Mair swimming, I feed the babies and play with them, before again shooting out the the dreaded Costa and his Bootcamp from hell. It works but I hate it. I really am the most lazy, un co ordinated person on God's earth when it comes to bootcamp, and having survived 45 mins from hell I am embarrassingly aware my pelvic floor is not what it once was!

Dash home, immediately put 5 year old to bed and read to her, then feed a baby and put them down, and help a child with homework, and then play a game before another goes to bed.

Doing well.Tea at 9.30pm, an improvement from previous nights. The bummer of a strict diet is often having to make separate food, not good with our sized family!

Chat to older kids, make a drink. Watch Madonna being interviewed, write this, put all the nappy wash in (hubby has hung the previous wash around the house before heading to bed to feed a baby) and go to sleep.

How long for?

God knows. Your guess is as good as mine.

People often ask how we do it? Here's a few thoughts:

• Sharing tasks
• Instinctively knowing what needs done next and not expecting the other half to do it
• Strong relationships
• Good kids that are happy to help from time to time
• Lists and schedules
• Chores
• Bedroom lists
• Activity lists
• Lists of what the kids need to remember for each activity
• Mobiles!
• Long hours
• Sense of humour
• Good routines
• Strict bedtimes
• Strict TV/Computer times
• Putting 'me' down on the list, way down
• Love for what we are doing!

I am sure there's more!

Well that's a brief insight into my day.

Totally sure there's no balance in there, but it's my life and I really wouldn't have it any other way!

Well.....maybe winning the lottery!