Bootcamp week 20: Five months of hard slog!

If another person tells me that 'the weight has dropped off me' or 'how lucky I am to get back to my pre pregnancy weight so fast' I will hit them!  Purely because it has been SUCH HARD WORK! and I am so proud of myself to have achieved it.

I have had so many fails.

Believe me!

I have wanted to shift this extra weight for years. Since I had Mair in fact, 6 years ago. I have always got back to around 7 lbs shy of where I want to be. I have never quite got there or had the determination too. I have moaned consecutively for 4 summers at how fat my legs are in shorts and how I hate swim wear.

NOW! FINALLY I can wear shorts! and feel reasonably okay in a swim suit. I found my lycra gym shorts that I haven't worn for erm, 10 years at least and fitted them and felt okay in them. (I did however tell my rather shocked teens that if they made one rude comment they would be grounded for a month!)

Here is a rare leg photo, for those of you who know me and my passion of hatred for my legs you will appreciate how far I have come to even post this one!

God, genetically blessed me with my mother's fat legs and not her skinny waist!

I get fed up when people make those 'off the cuff' comments because it is still a daily struggle for me. I find it really hard to leave the children at tea time and go to the gym. Really hard. I feel so guilty for being so selfish as to put my weight loss before their needs. They of course survive for the hour I am gone and do not look any different when I return so I shouldn't feel like this but I do. I struggle because I really hate exercise. I do not really enjoy it anymore now than I did 8 months ago. I enjoy looking better and feeling fitter and more toned however and I see the benefits, but I realise with great sadness this is me for the rest of my life if I want to remain slim and healthy for my children.

It is a daily struggle to not eat bread, snack in between meals, avoid coffee, not put leftovers in my mouth. It does not become easier. Some days I have really failed.I hate myself for this, I stand on the scales the next day and groan because I have put on a few pounds. It's soul destroying to work so hard to loose the pounds only to have a blip and put them on so easily again.

Someone once said to me (having lost a lot of weight) 'nothing tastes as good as skinny'. I try to bear this phrase in mind every time I am tempted, every time I take the kids to Mc Donald's, every time I pass the Costa Coffee in work, and every time the kids leave out french bread and salted butter!

I had my dress fitting today.

I have purposely not tried it on since I bought it. When I did, three months ago I hated myself. I felt fat and podgy. Today I stood in the mirror as the seamstress took it in and felt good. It has been worth it.

It has been bloody hard work, but standing there today, in the wedding outfit I have worked so dam hard to fit has made every thing worthwhile!

I am not as slim as I had wanted to be, I do not have the flat as a pancake belly that I always had, yes, if I had been more focussed I would have been there, but I feel I have found a good balance between loosing and working off the weight and still allowing quite a few little treats.

Next week is the run up to the wedding.

Lets hope now I have had my dress fitted I can maintain the weight loss so it will look good!