As I exited the Debenhams lift, Anya holding my hand and walking beautifully, Caleb howling in the double buggy because he wants to get out like Anya, but as yet cannot walk, I was greeted with those words.
It has been a while since anyone has referrred to me as the twins 'Grandma', maybe I look particulary old and tired this week?
So I took a deep breath, and decided I was ready to, this time enlighten at least two people.
I turned and looked over my shoulder, then looked at them.
'Oh me' I smiled, 'I am a grandma, but not too these two, but to my 24 year old daughter's little girl. These are my twins and my 10th and 11th children. They are lovely, I haven't had enough, but my son has, he's tired and needs to have his nap'.
Smiled again at them both opened mouthed.
'Bye'.
I was very polite.
I do wish people would not make such sweeping assuptions, but then I also know I have been guilty of this too, we all are.
I used to ask people who had one child if they were going to have more.
That is untill I had my one child, an ectopic pregnancy, a miscarriage and fertility issues then I saw what a painful question that was.
I used to wonder why some people had such big age gaps between their children, till I lost a baby.
Now, I try hard not to assume an older person is 'Granny' or likewise a very young girl is 'sister'.
I hope those two nice ladies may also do the same.
It has been a while since anyone has referrred to me as the twins 'Grandma', maybe I look particulary old and tired this week?
So I took a deep breath, and decided I was ready to, this time enlighten at least two people.
I turned and looked over my shoulder, then looked at them.
'Oh me' I smiled, 'I am a grandma, but not too these two, but to my 24 year old daughter's little girl. These are my twins and my 10th and 11th children. They are lovely, I haven't had enough, but my son has, he's tired and needs to have his nap'.
Smiled again at them both opened mouthed.
'Bye'.
I was very polite.
I do wish people would not make such sweeping assuptions, but then I also know I have been guilty of this too, we all are.
I used to ask people who had one child if they were going to have more.
That is untill I had my one child, an ectopic pregnancy, a miscarriage and fertility issues then I saw what a painful question that was.
I used to wonder why some people had such big age gaps between their children, till I lost a baby.
Now, I try hard not to assume an older person is 'Granny' or likewise a very young girl is 'sister'.
I hope those two nice ladies may also do the same.
Oh this resonates with me, on my eleventh birthday my Dad took me to the national milk bar for elevenses as a treat. The old dear in the next booth made some comment about me being out with my grandad, my poor dad was 45 at the time! It has turned into one of those family stories Sounds like you handled it well today xx
ReplyDeleteI'm 43 and pregnant with number 10 so I'm already preparing myself for the "Granny" comments!! My oldest daughter is 22 and when we're out everyone thinks my 12 month old is hers!
ReplyDeleteHi Mum of 9,
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on number 10! Dispite the comments I loved being pregnant in my 40's becauseit is so liberating, and you don't really care what anyone thinks about you! When my daughter was pregnant with her first baby (she is now 24.5) I went to the appointments with my one year old, everyone thought Mair was her first child! I have constantly been mistaken for 'granny' when we are out together with the twins, the funniest being when they were just a month old and we went to try on wedding dresses (for her!).The sales assistant said 'Gosh you have lost the baby weight fast' as she slipped on a size 8 with ease. you should have seen her face when Abie said 'oh no, they are my mum's'!!!!
Still worth it, although even though I can still get pregnant, I wont now, as I do feel its not fair on the babies to have a mother a bit too near her 50's for comfort!
Hi Fiona,
ReplyDeleteI can just imagine you doing this! I love reading your blog.
I wish other people would understand the "are you having any more" question can be so hurtful!
I've recently had some health problems and been diagnosed with PCOS which I know doesn't make me infertile just lowest the chances but after two years of trying ...it's not so fun so we've given in!
Always getting asked when we're having another just really pulls my heart strings!
Xxx
Thanks Shellz,
ReplyDeleteI can understand the pulling of heart strings as after Abie I had three years of miscarriages and infertility issues and I got so fed up with people asking when we were having another and what a big gap we had! they had no idea of our losses or how awfu their words made me feel.
When we gave up we got pg with the twins! There's always hope.
Fiona
xxxxx