Packed?

Packing up in France Day 2

It's 3am and I am still dashing around the house like a mad woman trying to remember everything.This is when being a large family is stressfull.I find it hard to remember where I put my handbag, let alone the huge ammount of gear we have packed today.
I hope I have remembered everything...
Without Abie coming round to help with the twins it would have been impossible.They barey remember who I am this week.
It's aways worth it, but so tiring.

On another note, I am concerned to leave the country in such disarray with all the riots that are going on.

I am sorry but I can see no justification for bullying, stealing and arsonary at all, in any way.I am not quite sure how they can justfy it?

Packing up in Verona Day 4

You are saved from a page long rant because I am so tired, maybe another day.

The Battle of the vest!

Yes its been ongoing for weeks, but finally we are conquerring it.
I hold myself totally responsible for buying them two years ago.
Never did I think for one minuate there would be such an issue.
But there is and three days in a car has instensified our determination to win.
What am I on about?
My nearly 15 year olds, age 11-12 vests!
These were bought in the naive days when I actually for one fleeting moment thought he may just wear one in the winter.You can tell from the label I have never purchased any since.
So why is a simple Asda white vest such a problem?
After 3 years in the wilderness at the bottom of a drawer they have reappeared with vengence!
Now they are a 'fashion' accessory, apparently.
They are worn on their own (urgh) or under an incredibly thick hoodie.
Either way the look is not good, and neither is the pong! So, my daughters and I, the fashion police, have taken control before one of us dies a slow and painful death by posioning as we sit next to him in a very confined space!
We have plotted, sneaked about, hidden and the battle is nearly done. 3/4 have been slowly located and disposed of.
One to go.
But where is it.
With twenty four hours untill we depart, will we find it?
Watch this space!
P.S. sorry love, but you just don't take a hint! Love you really!

Preparing for a summer holiday for ten!

I never feel we are a big family.I just  feel we are us, that is untill we come to preparing to go away on holiday.This is a monumental task that seemingly knows no end.
Just when you begin to think you are breaking the back of the now daily trip around the shops, and child suggests a selection of other items you have forgotton to buy.
My holiday lists have been revolutionised by having an iphone.I am famed for my lists and equally famed for loosing my lists, which with my phone I stand an outside chance of remebering!
I spend months before hand looking for little things to keep the children entertained on the long car journeys we do each year. Having such a large family makes air travel nearly impossible, and actually the last time we attempted it (four years ago, with 9 kids, one new grandbaby, one boyfriend and two adults) very stressful.Everytime we watch Home Alone we laugh, and identify! The passport control lady in Prague even managed to stiffle a smile (I swear I saw the ends of her lips curl) as my husband stood at one end of the control, and I at the other.Each child was handed a passport with strict instructions to go through and give it to dad! It was certainly a sight to behold, and one that I would rather not repeat in a hurry!
So, instead we have the car drive...this time three and a half days!
How too keep a large family entertained? well its a lot easier than it was 15 years ago when we started our mega drives thats for sure.
Back then I collected all the comics and with the school ring binder made books.I split these into puzzle ones, story ones and cartoon ones.I bought some new books and cassettes for the tape recorders, and some little dolls and toys.These were all stashed away and produced every four hours or so when bordom set in.There are also the long list of car games we have to play.Of course now I have teenagers these have taken on a new and more sinister twist involving pieces of paper and rude words! hmmm.
Of course now we have mobile phones and games (alas the battery soon runs out) DS and vtech computors, portable videos and ipods.Of course they dont all have these each, but thank god for ebay and splitter cables, thus enabling two children to watch one DVD player.
I also go for the old fashioned things like cut out dolls, and colouring books, word searches and cross words.With such a variety to have a choice of, we manage the journey quite well.
Then of course there is the inflicted holiday diary! they know its coming each year as I return from one of my endless trips with bulging bags of scrap books, new pens and pencils and pritt sticks, but they dont ask, they avoid the conversation untill the D word is finally mentioned admist groans.They love these diaries when they look back, but do not like the thought of doing them, or infact anything at all on holiday.
I also pack travel bags so we dont have to go rumaging around all the ironed clothes for the one pair of underpants we brought! these stay near us and can be taken in and out of over night stays with ease.
Clothing used to be simple, again untill the teenager years when we want to take everything we own.This year it will be hot, I have made lists of what I need packed and then suggestions, I wonder if they will be read and heeded?
My husband prides himself on being streamlined.This worked well untill one year when he forgot his Pjamas and virtualy all his under wear! He can fit everything into a rucksack! Unlike the 17 year old that struggles to get everything into a suitcase large enough to fit my youngest three children!
We always start to pack days before, and this is the point we are at now.The house looks like a cross between widow twankes laundry and ebay! I get steadily more hoarse as the days roll on and I tell one child or other to stop looking through bags, taking things out or moving them! A spare room would be bliss.
So, I had better go, as in another 5 hours, I have shops to go to and people to nag!

Bereavement

We watched a film tonight, The Rabbit Hole.Had I known the content of it, I may not have chosen it, but there we are.

I was caught unawares, it was about a couple who lost their only child. It was well portrayed, and sadly for anyone, like us, who has lost a child, the emotions were raw and true.

It made me sad, but more than that it made me incredibly gratefull for the billionth time for the other children I have.They will never replace Joshua in any way, but they constantly help heal the pain, that is still there nearly eight years later.I am so grateful for them, for the noise and laughter they bring into my life each day.

I wrote a blogg about Joshua.If you wish to weep your way through it, here's the link.

http://hearts-of-hope.com/joshua.b/

Through this blogg I started our Charity, Joshua's Boxes. Since those very small beginnings, many others have taken the idea on in their own area and send boxes to local hospitals.Joshuas legacy will last forever,

Me Time?

I seem to have heard this word a lot recently. Long ago, when I had my first baby I did'nt hear it at all.
What is 'me time'?
It appears to be our right to have a certain ammount of time that is now devoted to us , alone.
I have been told by some people this is precisley why they do not have larger families, because they need this time.
I wonder quite where it comes from? I was rather under the impression when I had my first baby that this time I had to myself was a thing of the past, not that I had ever had much anyway, as I was always a busy child and teenager.
I cherished my first child and loved every minuate I spent with her.I did not morn the loss of this time, nor miss it at all, and so as our family expanded so my time just had to be a bit better managed.
Sometimes, people have offered to look after the children in order to give me some of this 'me time'.I once took a friend up on this, but returned home early because I missed the children so much. Some people may find this rather sad,that I could not occupy myself for that long, not really, I just preferred being with my kids.Each summer, as a Team Leader for a leading exam board I have to go to London for three days.Thankfully the days are long and exhausting with very little time to think, but then at 5pm we finnish and go our separate ways.The first night is usually okay as I book a theatre visit or see friends , but returning to an empty hotel room is always hard.The second day is tougher and by the third I chase from my conference onto the first train home!So much for spneding time with 'me' I just long for my children and husband.
I wonder how much 'Me time' my grandmothers got? One was a miners wife who worked hard at home to make ends meet, the other ran the local sweet shop, making the sweets and ice creams from scratch.

As Susie returned from Uganda and showed us all her photos, I pondered if many of the women on them actually considered 'Me time' of the sligtest importance at all.
I think, as a society we have become very self centered. Magazines are full of celebrities who are self obsessed and we are lured into thinking this is the norm, and feeling condemmned if we do not fit this. One such example is the obsession to see who can be the thinnest the quickest after giving birth (a competion I do not stand an earthly chance of winning).These women, I have concluded, in order to achieve the amazing figures they do, must spend very little time with their new babies.Okay so I moan about my weight, but given the choice whats a few extra stone between friends?
We observed this all the time when we lived overseas.It made me quite nauseous to return each Christmas and watch in horror at the huge food check out ques and the fuss everyone made if they did not manage to get the ' in' toy for their child.I returned to the simplicity and queitness of Eastern Europe and breathed a sigh of releif!
Because of the age ranges that exist in our house, we can often be up from 7am untill 1am the following morning! this leaves little time theoretically for me. I sometimes get frustrated that I can't get on with a project or finnish a book, but within the day there are always small slots where some peace and quiet can be had.

So, perhaps it is not the fact that ' me time' in itself is wrong, but more what we class as this time.'Me time' can be cooking, if that is what we enjoy.It could be hugging babies and reading stories which gives me personally as much pleasure as anytime by myself.Perhaps it could be enjoying some music on my ipod whislt doing a job, or chatting to my children about their day.
What do you think?

Planning a Wedding



Today the girls and I went to Abakhan fabrics (http://abakhanfabrics.co.uk/ )in Mostyn, a huge treasure trove for anything crafty! I have been going there since I was a student studying Textiles and love to walk down the aisles of fabrics imagining what I can make. Invariably I bring back a bag of goodies and today was no exception.
Today, however , we went to buy all the little bits and bobs that make a wedding unique.
Abie's getting married! My beautiful and intelligent 23 year old daughter gets married in just ten months time.
My role?
Walking auto bank and cheque book.
No, seriously, it has been great fun planning the day with her.She is very fussy and has very set ideas on what she wants, which was exactly like me.She loves details and has thought of everything.
We are making all the invitations during the summer before she starts her third, and hardest year of University.
She not only goes to Uni, but also does her freinds and families hair as well as looking after Ella, my grandaughter.She works hard and I have a great deal of respect for her.
We arrived home armed with tons of paper, card, ribbon and lots of other crafty stuff.
Who would of thought nearly 26 years ago, when I was walking around as a penniless student that I would be back planning a wedding with my eldest of 11? Not me, that's for sure!

Life is a bit like learning to ride a bike!

Mair wanted to have the stablisers taken off her bike.As she's now five this seemed the right timing.Given the summer holidays to practice her skills we went along with this.All went well untill she realised the implications of her decision- a very wobbly bike that she could no longer control or ride with confidence. All of a sudden she wanted things back as they were. We coaxed her and with time she had a go.

She's just checking to see I am here to catch her!

And off we go!

The sense of achievement etched on her little face!

There's no stopping her now.She has gainded confidence and despite a few tumbles rides up and down the garden like an old pro!

I remember vividly learning to ride as well.Mainly because I fell off head first and scraped my chin badly! I was five as well.My mother and father applauded my efforts.It must have been strange for them, as neither owned a bike as a child, and my mother never learnt to ride one, ever.

Having children, and guiding them through life is very similar to learning to ride, for both parties concerned!

It takes confidence to take those first steps, and when something goes wrong that confidence is then knocked, and somehow we need to find the courage to do it again.

There are so many times, I have not been as brave as Mair was today.I have given up, sometimes for years. Maths GCSE being a prime example!!

I hope I can always be there for my children, maybe not as physically as I was today when Mair checked to see me there, but so they know I am always ready to catch them when they fall, and support them to have confidence to try again.