Mother's Day, the bitter sweet experience for many.

This is a very difficult post to write, because it personally relates to me, and it's not the easiest of subjects.
I have a bit of an aversion for 'special' days as my family know. I find Valentine's Day , Mothering Sunday, Father's Day, and even Easter and Christmas quite meaningless. More an exploitation of an over commercialised market for the shops than a truly special day.
I feel if you love someone then you should show it all year round, not just with a lavish gift on the prescribed day. Therefore, I have encouraged my children, that a lovely home made card is far more special than anything else.
I love the cards, and the messages they write to me. They do have a meaning because they are from the heart.
Though, I must confess to being excited that Abigail got us tickets for 'Chicago' the musical!
This year I found particularly hard.
It was my twins first birthdays as well, on Mothering Sunday.
I was painfully aware their grandmother was not present for the second year in a row and her absence was more acutely felt than ever, I think, because last year I was so focussed on getting through the end stages of this pregnancy.
We did not have the easiest of relationships, however in her latter years she moved nearby, she mellowed and so did I and we found a new relationship and some peace. I am glad for this.
She did however love her grandchildren so very much and I feel a constant sadness that she never knew I was pregnant with Anya or Caleb.
As they grow and develop into the most amazing little people it is so very sad they will never know her, nor she them.
The other sadness I have , is one I share with many others too.
The sadness that one of my children will always be absent on Mothering Sunday.
For anyone who has lost a baby or a child this is a very painful day. I received a lot of emails and texts from friends who were upset yesterday. Often it is those whose babies died a few years ago, it hits the hardest. People have forgotten their grief and minimise the loss, and often through no fault of their own, do not remember the special baby that once was there, no matter how briefly.
I remember so well the very first Mother's Day after Joshua died. It is like there is an over kill of cards and presents wherever you look, and everyone seems to be happy and have a baby the same age as yours should be. The pain was acute. I was aware I had to muster up enthusiasm for my other children's sake but it was so very hard to do.
For those of my friends who lost their first baby, it is harder still, as the world does not see them as ever being a mother at all, because for the most part they have 'nothing to show for it'. It is a tough day.
So Mother's Day.
Another hurdle for many.
Having answered lots of emails, I went to bed.
Pretty glad it was all over really.